Victoria’s Secret Tan Enhancing Shimmer Lotion

Denise Richards on Watch What Happens Live

2011 was truly Denise Richards’ year. Nothing could be better for your career (other than an actual job in said career) than having an ex-husband fall into some drug-fueled crazy spiral, while you stand by tending to your young children with grace and nobility. We saw two examples of how an ex-wife with two of your children can react to their former love taking in two stray porn stars…and let’s just say someone is going to end up with two damaged, drug addled and/or promiscuous teenagers on their hands while the other… is probably going to end up with two slightly less damaged, drug addled and/or promiscuous teenagers. I’m just guessing that the ex-wife (Brooke Mueller) who is in rehab right now (soooo that leaves her kids to be in the care of…. Charlie?) and insists on doing ill-fated reality shows with Paris Hilton is going to have crazier offspring, than our Audrey Hepburn of Playboy, Denise.

Denise Richards’ legs also had a really great year. If I were Paula Deen, and I was in Crayola crayon naming business… and Denise’s legs were drawing implements, I would name her legs “Bronze Butter.” (Wow, sorry about that. Grasping at straws).

Denise mentioned on Watch What Happens Live that she uses a body bronzing/concealing lotion called RCK, which is $40.

Now, my legs hardly see the light outside a pair of Old Navy yoga pants, so I can’t rationalize this purchase regardless of the results. However, I found Victoria’s Secret Tan enhancing Shimmer Lotion last year, and for only $12, it’s totally worth the purchase.

It really makes a difference- your body gets a nice glow, and it evens out the tone of your skin. I’d be curious to see if there is even a big difference between the two products… so RCK, if you’d like to send me a free bottle, I think I could carve out some time to do a blind test for you to post here. On my very, very prestigious and influential blog.

Great Equalizers

It’s true that super models are just more gifted genetically than any of us ever could be. Boob job or not, most of us could never look like that, which is fine ‘cuz… inner beauty and stuff….. but there is one thing that evens the playing field. An equalizer of sorts: super models trying to dance! (This also works for Taylor Swift). Sure they have those long beautiful limbs and their thighs don’t touch, but appendages that long are difficult to maneuver.

Another equalizer: celebrity hands. The most expensive thing you can do for them is a a paraffin wax treatment, and any poor person can melt down a candle and get the same effect. Other than that, there’s nothing you can do… not even you, Megan Fox.

I like to think of her clubbed thumb as a little wink from God to the rest of us.

Or Zooey Deschanel’s hands. They’re perfectly fine, but nothing remarkable. Just the hands of an every day human, maybe they’re the hands of your cousin from Maryland.

But in actuality, they belong to this baby angel,

Womp, womp.