The More You Know: Men in Sweatpants

It’s time for some more unsolicited advice from a young woman with no qualifications:

Men and boys: Do not wear sweatpants. They are offensive to women, all women, I promise you. 

Some guys reading this might think “Dara, I KNOW this! I learned this along with the importance of deodorant application!” and to you, sir, let me direct you to the contact information tab at the top of this screen. You obviously have your life together, and I would love to hear from you. Your knowledge of appropriate apparel choices, in addition to your appreciation of basic hygiene, is an intoxicating combination.

So, I tweeted this little tidbit of info, and some kid tweeted me in reply and didn’t know what I meant (he understood the Ashton Kutcher part, though. I think we’re all in agreement with that). I was kind of shocked that this kid had no idea. I thought guys who wear sweatpants in public knew exactly what they were doing, but I think some of them actually don’t get what’s going on here. So here it is if you’re unsure:

WE CAN SEE EVERYTHING AND IT IS DISGUSTING!

I know that some guys are aware of this and wear sweatpants for just that reason above, and that means you are a PREDATOR. I think it’s so unfair that drunk college kids can get labeled a sex offender for the rest of their life for peeing in public, but a man knowingly wearing sweatpants in front of women and children get to live their life freely.

To the clueless guys: I think what the problem might be is that you see women in sweatpants, so you think it’s okay for you, too. I’m all for equality, but I’m going to have to draw the line here. This is what a woman looks like in sweat pants:

So cute yet airport casual with her little hat and little hip bone, right?

Guess what? That’s not what you look like! I was going to post a picture of what guys look like in sweatpants, but my mother reads this blog and all the pictures I found were inappropriate.

Ladies don’t want to see that. I don’t care what you’ve got going on under your CostCo sweatpants, but I can promise you that real pants that fit properly will impress a woman more than totally unsupportive gym clothes… Which is how you should think of pants. Women have to wear bras for support, so you need to do the same with pants.

You might say there’s a flaw in that argument– that guys like it when hot women don’t wear bras, so why wouldn’t ladies like it if a hot guy wore sweatpants? Well, the only explanation is that girls are pretty, so of course you like them bra-less; however, to women, any guy in sweatpants is equal to your 60 year-old, free-spirited aunt in her strapless dress going bra-less. OFFENSIVE!

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