Wine and Whine Podcast: Shannon Amabile

imageOn today’s episode of Wine and Whine, Kathryn and I talk to my friend Shannon Amabile, hilarious comedian and astrology extraordinaire. Listen to Kathryn and me say things like “OMG, you are SUCH a Leo” for an hour and 13 minutes, with references to Amanda Knox sprinkled in. This is our favorite episode so far and a great time was had by all. Probably because we drank sparkling rose and OJ, then stopped recording to get some 7-11 white zin to keep the party going.

You guys can listen to us on Stitcher now! It’s a cool app you can download and make podcast playlists.

And we’re on iTunes! Do us a favsie and rate/subscribe?

Tweet us at @wineandwhinepod

Follow our guest, @shannonamabile

Follow my co-host Kathryn @KathrynG

Follow me @Daralaine

And email us hate mail at wineandwhinepodcast@gmail.com

Milestone: My First Mean Comment

I can’t believe it took me almost two and a half years of posting on this blog, but it finally happened. I got my first insulting comment!

This little gift was left for me on an older post, The Nice Guys of OKCupid!

It was actually in reply to another comment I had replied to, in which a 22 year-old dude told me I was wrong and he was offended…

OH, WAIT! MILESTONE TWO!

My first offended reader!!!!

The comment from the offended reader was just way too long to post here, but the gist of it was, “you’re wrong about your thoughts and feelings and the thoughts and feelings of other women your age, Certified Vagina Owner. As a 22 year-old dude with a lot of life experience, you can just defer to me and my opinions since your brain is made up of a hollow, dark chocolate Easter bunny filled with Midol pills.”

I mean, in his original argument, he was saying that he’s a nice guy but girls don’t like him, and girls only like assholes, which makes me think that he didn’t even really read the post (maybe because he just couldn’t get over the shock that my dad or brother let me use his computer. It’s a miracle my cup of tea didn’t slip through my delicate lady hands and spill all over the keyboard) because I kind of addressed that myth directly. Not eloquently or intelligently, but I did address it.

In my reply to this kid, I kind of just said, “shut up, 22 year old boy,” and referred him to another article that might help clarify my point. Because I’m just trying to open hearts and minds here, people.

Okay, then came the mean comment (from a different guy):

Screen shot 2013-06-26 at 9.34.58 AMFirst of all, thank you for calling my assertions “hilarious,” but what is questionable about Tom Hanks being nice? Scientists have been studying him for years and they came up with that conclusion, not me. Secondly, why do I have to choose between being mentally deficient OR trying to get attention? And I thought that by having a blog it was just implied that I am looking for attention?

Andy, I can see where you got your last name, “Wisdom” (what is that, Greek?). Everyone does have flaws. Like for me, the proportions of my individual body parts are totally out of whack: my hands and wrists are abnormally small, so you’d think that I’d have some really tiny feet, right? Nope! A totally average size 8!

Also, what are these separate flaws that “assholes” and “nice guys” have? Because please, oh, please, remember that the whole point of the post (that I don’t think you read) is that a [QUOTE] Nice Guy [END QUOTE] is really just an asshole in sheep’s clothing, not a genuine and kind man.

And listen, I’m not saying that women don’t date assholes and then write off guys who treat them with respect. There are plenty of woman who do. If that didn’t happen then all the strip clubs across this great nation would be empty and we’d have to turn them all into libraries and soup kitchens. Saying that we ALL date people who treat us badly is just a lazy, sweeping generalization that is patronizing to women.

So, thank you, Andy Wisdom, you made my day because you haven’t really made it until people start insulting you. Hopefully, one day soon I’ll hit it big and have thousands and thousands of followers, and then I can finally start tweeting things like “Good Morning, Haterz! xox #soblessed”

OR

“Can’t see haterz! #raybans #michelobultra #BFFs #livelaughlove #sorrynotsorry #sweetsummer”

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Amanda Knox Has a Boyfriend and I Don’t…

…now, let’s find out the “why” of it…

Tuesday night I live tweeted CNN’s Chris Cuomo interview with Amanda Knox. Here’s what ensued:

Screen shot 2013-05-09 at 8.59.41 AMStill true.

Screen shot 2013-05-09 at 8.59.53 AM Cuoms was being really uncool.

Screen shot 2013-05-09 at 9.00.05 AM“WELL THE THEORY IS THAT YOU’RE A BIG SLUT/MURDERER, HOW COULD THEY COME UP WITH THAT IF YOU’RE NOT A BIG SLUT/MURDERER?” – Chris Cuomo and his Bachelor of Science degree in journalism
Screen shot 2013-05-09 at 9.00.18 AM …..things got a little femi-nasty.

Screen shot 2013-05-09 at 9.00.28 AM#tryingtohelp

Screen shot 2013-05-09 at 9.00.39 AM Ya know, if it weren’t for the murder and 4 years in prison, Amanda’s trip abroad would basically be an adorable romantic comedy of errors, where a young woman experiences her sexual awakening abroad. Screen shot 2013-05-09 at 9.00.49 AMSoups on, and I’m stirring up trouble.

Screen shot 2013-05-09 at 9.01.00 AM Do you need a deposit slip so you can take that advice to the bank?

So, this is where I’m at right now.

FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER!!! @daralaine

Pros and Cons of Instagram

Twitter is a great barometer of how mad I should be at things. If everybody is tweeting about how mad they are at something, I decide how mad I’m going to be about it on a liberal Hollywood scale of Ashton Kutcher to Ronan Farrow. If Ashton or any celebrity that tweeted #KONY2012 expresses outrage or concern over something, I pretty much disregard it. If Ronan Farrow is angry about something, then I know it’s okay to be angry about it too, and then I wonder if I should tweet Ronan and is it really so crazy to think two people could fall in love over Twitter?

Today Ro-Ro did not tweet about Instagram and its new privacy policy, so now I don’t know how to feel. Looks like I’m gonna have to form this opinion all on my own.

Now, this morning everyone thought Instagram could sell their photos, which Instagram is now saying they’re not going to do. Regardless, I still don’t know whether I should delete my account, so I’m weighing my options:

PRO: Instagram is maintaining that they aren’t going to sell the pictures I’ve taken of my friends and me in Vegas for ads to Promises Recovery Center.

CON: So, Instagram does not want to sell this picture of me?

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PRO: Did you see that picture of me above? That soft rosey glow didn’t radiate on its own; that was all X-Pro II.

CON: Do I really need to post pictures of myself onto a site that hasn’t earned my trust and could one day, maybe not today or tomorrow, but someday, use my pictures in a way I don’t approve of? And yet, this picture of me from the 6th grade exists on the internet, and I seem to be fine with it: sc00f144551

PRO: My outrage seems to have settled, and I don’t care enough to delete my account anymore.

It stays! Unfortunately, I’ve already hysterically deleted half of my pictures, so I guess I’d better plan brunch for this weekend so I can slowly start building back up my collection of mimosa pictures.

Hurricane Sandy

Due to Hurricane Sandy passing through NH Monday, I had work off that day. I pretty much had every opportunity to blog on Tuesday, but my routine was affected and because I’m an infant in a toddler’s body, I am very disoriented. Now I know how the Jolie-Pitt children feel being shuttled between LA and French châteaux and Red Cross missions in Cambodia. Babies need structure!

I’m trying to get back into the swing of things, but today is Halloween and tomorrow is my birthday, and I’m already looking for a first birthday smash cake to fall asleep in at the dinner table. I can’t imagine I’ll be on a regular schedule until Monday, but I’ll try my hardest to blog anyway. If you don’t see anything from me then I’m passed out with my head on a cake and my hand in a bag of chips.

I hope everyone is safe post Sandy- leave me a comment so I know you’re okay.

And here is a hurricane live tweet from Bethenny Frankel:

Girl, that is from The Day After Tomorrow, let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Bless her and her low-calorie California Rosé.

In Defense of the Facebook De-Friend

I have been de-friended by maybe a handful or two of Facebook friends over the years. I’d  imagine this is due mostly to some people’s spring cleaning ritual of dumping friends they don’t know and/or people that are sick of my constant blog promotion (look, I have never made an invitation for people to give me their phone numbers because I don’t have the presence of mind to backup my SIM card. It’s just a few blog links, you don’t have to click on them).

Only once was I defriended because of someone actually being mad at me- over a disagreement regarding cat sitting, no less. I don’t need cat sitting in my life. Good riddance.

To some, I think the de-friend is a huge F-U when used in the symbolic context of eliminating someone from your life with such finality. “Not only do I not want to hang out with you in real life, I’m going to cut you off from being able to check up on my relationship status. You will never know if I liked The Mindy Project enough to “like” it. That is how much I hate you!”

But the crowning, the Ultimate-Grand Supreme, the Honey Boo Boo of all “SUCK  ITS” is being on the receiving end of a Facebook block. I have received that privilege, again, just once, and like 9/11 and the assassination of JFK, I remember just where I was when I found out (for the last two: 7th grade math class and a glimmer in my father’s eye, respectively).

It was this past May (of 2012 for the aliens who have taken over Earth and are reading this 600 years from now), and I had met three of my college gal pals at a bar before a Red Sox game. After discussing which Sex and the City character we each were (as I mature I begin to realize that maybe I am, in fact a Miranda, but I believe my core spirit is truly a Carrie. Though, I do hope that I would be the kind of person who would have accepted Aidan’s love or at the very least, not taken Big back after he left me at the altar) we got to talking about boys.

Now, we were updating one another on former/current flames, and I mentioned that said  former flame had deleted his Facebook. Glances were exchanged, and then my friend Kelley did the deed of explaining, that I had actually, in fact, been blocked.

OH, I’M SORRY WHHHAAAAAT????

The block is so insulting because it feels maybe a little like a restraining order, which are only handed out to stalkers. When it comes to Internet stalking, I am like the lost Olsen triplet, because I can solve any crime by dinner time, as in, I’m a straight up sleuth… but I am no stalker. I imagine I was blocked because I might have blogged about him and maybe made some disparaging comments, but you could hardly call it defamation of character– I didn’t use his name. And even more importantly, I had already defriended him at this point. Sir, you cannot block me after you have been defriended. That’s like saying, “you can’t fire me!! I quit!” This is not the pilot episode of The Nanny!

It was annoying at first, but I have come to believe that a block is a real blessing in disguise. Even a de-friend is a great course of action when it comes to a break-up of lovahs or friends. In the age of Facebook, I have come to know WAY too much about you people.  With ex-friends, no matter how much I dislike them, a little part of me feels left out when I see pictures of them out and about having an especially good time because I always remember the part of them that made me want to be friends in the first place. And I don’t need to know what that old flame is up to. Even though I know I’d never date any of those “hims” again, I still like to take a peek from time-to-time, and there’s no reason to. There’s nothing that roots you in the past more than checking up on what you are or are not missing.

I just think Facebook and Twitter tethers you to the past a little too much than what is healthy. Isn’t it much better to just let someone go and move forward? I was talking with my dad, who isn’t on Facebook, and an ex of his (before my beautiful and saintly mother) came up and in regards to her he said, “who knows what she’s up to, she could be dead by now.”

What a lovely idea. To just not know. They could be dead! Is that just me? It just seems so much more pleasant to put people in the past where they belong. Not checking up to see who they committed to instead of us, or to see if they got fat (which is still satisfying, but probably not right). I’m just saying that maybe it would be healthier if we could be a little more generous in our Facebook de-friends no matter how insulting it is. It’s for the best.

Hello Giggles Illustrated Tweet of the Day!

What a great day! I was Hello Giggles Illustrated Tweet, and thus had my second taste of celebrity. Here’s hoping my third taste will involve me as some kind of Wife (be it house, army or mob).

Here’s my other tweet from last year:

{tweets illustrated by @Polaroid_Rage}

Obviously, I’m just really good at tweeting. I’m also good at baking. And you should see me maneuver my crutches on unstable terrain. Basically, it’s a mystery why I haven’t been sold  into the mail order bride industry yet, which I assume exists.

A Day in the Life

Date: 3.13.12 (a Tuesday)

Morning: I had one hour to get up, get ready, and leave the house to take the hour drive into Boston to go to an audition for (brace for impact) a local Honey Dew Donuts  commercial. I went to bed the night before not wanting to go, and I was sure I wouldn’t end up mobilizing myself. Unexpectedly, I had a surge of energy and a will to live get up and be proactive. All of a sudden, I found myself driving in circles around Boston trying to find parking, close to tears. I was so proud of myself.

11:30 am: I get to the audition, realize –and this time it really settles in– it’s for a non-union, local  Honey Dew Donut commercial, and I start questioning all my life choices (i.e. “Will being Ray-Ban deep in student loan debt I’ve accrued through an acting degree make me any more likely to believably play a donut girl?”).

I forget about this as soon as I see a man in his 40’s come out of the audition room sheepishly smiling and making excuses for what a bad audition he just had (to put this in perspective, all he had to do in the audition was stare at the casting director and look confused). Then, the other 40 year-old guy in the room is quietly stricken with fear and starts asking what he’ll have to do in the audition. It was all very sad. For them. I felt great. I’m young and vital and have a theatre degree! The world’s at my feet!

I just hope that anyone who reads my blog will one day remind me of this post if I’m 45, living in Boston, and still holding out hope that I might get cast in a Casey Affleck crime movie and become a STAR.

12:15pm: I enjoyed a little Boston treat and got myself a Finagle-a-Bagel.

12:25pm: Finished my bagel, got a little sad…. A lot sad.

Night: I wrote a Twitter Tuesday post on Devon Sawa, and tweeted it to him. I guess he took the post as a compliment(…) because he retweeted it!

What a thrill. This brings my celeb retweet/reply total to 4 (Andy Cohen twice, Camille Grammer, and Donna from Parks and Rec). My only criteria to get a celebrity reply is that I can’t ask for a retweet, and I can’t say something to the effect of “my little girl is dying of a rare toe disease, can you please pray for her and RT?” Reality stars just love it when you ask for a prayer and a retweet (God can only hear the prayers of Real Housewives). That’s too easy. Sorry, but I like to EARN my retweets.

Twitter Tuesday: Devon Sawa

I have always loved Devon Sawa ever since Wild America and Casper (he shows up at the very end to dance with Christina Ricci. By the way, I watched Casper recently and it holds up. I don’t remember it being such a tear-jerker, though).

Jonathan Taylor Thomas, Devon…that other guy on the right, this was my 8 year-old HBO After Dark, okay?

So, I’ve been wondering what he’s been up to since Idle Hands and that video for that  Eminem song, ‘Stan’, and I found Devon’s twitter. What I learned from following him is that he’s been keeping himself busy, and there are lots of different sides to him.

Before we get started, I have a little disclaimer from Devon himself:

You hear that, people? If you shake your head clean off your neck, Devon and I are not responsible!

Alright, check ‘I agree to these terms’ and let’s go on this Twitter adventure together.

The Many Masks of Devon Sawa:

There’s Devon Sawa, The Animal Lover:

Devon Sawa, The Environmentalist:

Devon Sawa, The Catskill Comedian:

 Devon Sawa, Women’s Rights Activist:

 Devon Sawa, Fashionista:

Devon Sawa, World Traveler:

Devon Sawa, The Mathematician:

Devon Sawa, The Athlete:

And of course…

Devon Sawa, The Actor:

(I can tell you how that workshop went: ‘Alright, so while you’re acting, point and swat towards the camera. That’s it! Thanks for the 300 bucks!’)

Oh, Devon, thank you for the childhood memories.

Well, I guess that’s it. As Devon would say:

Twitter Tuesday: Kim Kardashian

What does Kim have on her mind today?

……….

Ohhhhh… okay. Kim was making a little joke! Good for you, Kim.

Well, just set up a meeting with Ryan Sea…er… “Cupid” and you two can discuss his casting decisions…. I mean…. “aim.” Just kidding @miilkkk, you will never get within 50 feet of Ry….pid…

Ok, let me preface this by saying suicide is never the answer, but if this really is the most exciting day of your life, I don’t really see many other options for you. So let’s not be so easy breezy with those hyperboles.

I’m with Kim on this one. It’s hard to fathom what TV writers are going to come up with. Just consider yourself lucky they didn’t kill you off or recast you with a cardboard cut out of yourself.

Finally! The name of the sequel to her sex tape is revealed!

Hold on, can I just throw in some Khloe for good measure?

…Yes…yes, Maude Apatow, she did. Sorry, this was all that was left over in the Female Role Model Discount Bin. Is it too late to pick Melissa Joan Hart? I’m pretty sure she made it through her 20’s without a DUI….

And lastly….

I think that one can stand on its own.