Good Riddance, Movember

I’m about to share a probably unpopular, perhaps cynical opinion, which tends to be the only opinions I have (other than my boundless optimism towards Lindsay Lohan’s career and my firm stance on being pro-The Secret, another thing Kim Zolciak, Oprah, and I have in common). I can’t stand when people do weird stuff for charity. Have an event, have an auction, but do you have to ruin your face with a mustache for a month in the name of good deeds? So, as I understand Movember, people pledge money for the amount of time you grow out your mustache? 1. Unless you’re in middle school, growing a ‘stache isn’t tough. If you’re walking around with patchy black peach fuzz on your lip then maybe you deserve some support, but otherwise, you aren’t accomplishing anything. 2. I will give you money for a good cause without the damn mustache! I mean this opinion does sound cynical, but I think it’s more cynical to think that people won’t throw a 20 your way unless you grow or shave off hair from your head or face. Do you realize how ridiculous that sounds now? Over at Kickstarter, people are giving out money willy-nilly for private film school educated white kids for literally no other reason than these white kids want to make another short film that the world doesn’t need. I am begging you to ask me to give my money to someone other than film school kids- cancer research sounds divine! 

And whatever happened to good, old fashioned, all night dance-a-thons? Is that something that only takes place in Stars Hollow? You guys are killing me. How ’bout this: Dance-a-thon December. Is that all you needed? Some alliteration? Now will you stop with Mustache Movember (which was a real reach alliteration-wise, anyway).


But Tom Selleck, keep doin’ whatchoo doin’.

I Love You, Tom Selleck

As a child, I had some eccentric interests and behaviors. I know there’s a picture of me floating around in the 5th grade wearing bindi on my forehead and kissing a wooden post on a jungle gym, in an effort to mimic both Gwyn Stefani and Mary Catherine Gallagher at once. Whimsical and economical with my time– how did my parents get it so right with me?

My choices in preteen heart throbs were also whimsical. Obviously I loved the usual Jonathan Taylor Thomas’ and Leonardo DiCaprios because I wasn’t so weird that I couldn’t function in normal society, I just also was a secret freak who enjoyed the gentlemanly appearances of:

Tom Selleck:

Tom in “Three Men and a Baby,” one of my favorite childhood movies other than the “Look Who’s Talking” trilogy.

I was told liking Tom Selleck was weird, but I just think I had the sensibilities of 45 year old. To say “had” is misleading. I definitely still do.

Chris Hardwick from “Singled Out”:

Do you even remember this show? I shouldn’t, I was 7 when it came out, but I’m a 90’s savant.

This was the best picture I could find of Chris in his ‘Singled Out’ days, and he’s actually exceedingly handsome now that he’s not rocking the 90’s male lesbian haircut.

Giovanni Ribisi:

Again, I didn’t know that finding Giovanni attractive was weird until my mother pointed it out recently. I think I find it attractive when men talk like a developmentally delayed child.

And this last one… I shouldn’t tell you think last one, just like my father told me I shouldn’t tell anyone that I think the Olympics are boring, but here it is:

Steve Buscemi:

Now, I know why this is weird. It concerns me, actually. But he doesn’t look so bad in ‘Reservoir Dogs’ does he? I’m sorry, I’m trying to minimize this. I looked at his IMDB page to try and figure out where this vague crush originated from, and the only thing I can think of is it must have started about here:

He hosted when Third Eye Blind was the musical guest!! That must be it!


I’m a monster.

High Tea

If I had to pick a second favorite meal besides brunch, I would pick high tea. If it included mimosas instead of tea, it would be my favorite, though. High tea is such a clutch player because it’s meant to be eaten after lunch and before dinner, which I have always felt would be a great time to add another meal.

Afternoon tea includes a lot of food (crustless sandwiches! little pastries! scones!), and my mom told me once that other people don’t generally finish everything they are served (including what the person they’re dining with didn’t finish), but I don’t understand why they would give you that much food if you weren’t supposed to eat it all.

My all time favorite tea is at The Drake Hotel in Chicago, which I’ve gone to a few times. The food and tea are great (I always get the pear caramel herbal), and they even have a HARPIST! If you tell the harpist it’s your birthday they will play Happy Birthday! It sounds like you died on your birthday and went to heaven and they were playing Happy Birthday when you got there (which would be ironic, but I imagine God to have a playful sense of humor. I also imagine He looks like Tom Selleck circa Three Men and A Baby).

Tea at The Drake Hotel.