My Olympic Recap

Opening Ceremonies

It’s on my DVR. I’ll get to it eventually.

Women’s Beach Volleyball 

Why is it that some of the women wear bathing suit bottoms for this event? On the one hand, I’m sure it’s a lot cooler than an athletic capri, but yet they’re rolling around on an artificial beach, and waterproof fabric is not a steel trap that can successfully protect your lady dungeon from dirty sand. I just feel like maybe a modest boyshort would be a practical compromise.

Women’s Gymnastics

Why do female gymnasts always have such thin eyebrows? Is it for aerodynamic purposes? I do not know how aerodynamics works nor how to correctly use the word in a sentence… I just know it has something to do with Olympians’ body hair.


One gripe I have with Bravo, is between their excellent line up of Pregnant in Heals marathons, they play these really random movies that don’t seem like they would appeal to their particularly…. effeminate… audience. I mean, Se7en is a fine movie and all, but I just feel like The First Wives Club would make a more seamless transition to the Real Housewives than Gywneth Paltrow’s head in a box. That said, I feel like it makes just as little sense that Bravo airs Olympic tennis. Like, just hours and hours of tennis when Tabatha’s Takeover is supposed to be pumping out some small business power-lesbian realness. I know that a lot of people who watch Bravo also watch the Olympics, but of the people who don’t watch the Olympics… I’m guessing we all watch Bravo.

Ryan Lochte

 Omg, you guys! Stop encouraging him!!!


These are the only 5 things on my Olympic radar.*

*Except I heard that Liam Gallagher might sing ‘Wonderwall’ for the closing ceremonies, in which case these two weeks will all be worth it.