10 Signs You Might Be in Your 20’s

Clueless

  1. You idealize the 90’s. It’s probably pretty similar to the way your parents talk about The Beatles and Free Love, except we seem pretty fixated on Pogs and Clueless. Maybe not as influential on the world in the grand scheme, but who doesn’t love a slap bracelet?socalledlife_3981
  2. You think having a quarter life crisis is a real thing. Only 80’s/90’s babies would find a way to extend the teen angst period.
  3. This week you have tweeted just as passionately about gun violence as you have about Instagram’s terms of use agreementScreen shot 2012-12-21 at 3.59.44 PM
  4. Then you forgot about both of those things a day later and just started tweeting Mean Girls/apocalypse crossover jokes. (I’m just saying we could stand to work on our priorities and attention spans. Use your bogus Adderall prescription to make a positive contribution to the world).
  5. You have a bogus Adderall prescription. slide_235654_1161467_free
  6. You need to calm down about Ryan Gosling.
  7. And cats.
  8. And Ron Swanson.
  9. You can barely pay rent but you somehow find the money for organic shampoo.
  10. You’ve written a list essay or shared a list essay about having a quarter life crisis or how great the 90’s were.

This list is not meant to belittle anyone in their 20’s, as I am a 24 year-old who has seriously considered self-publishing a book of essays called #MyPostGradLife about my quarter life crisis.

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I Love You, Tom Selleck

As a child, I had some eccentric interests and behaviors. I know there’s a picture of me floating around in the 5th grade wearing bindi on my forehead and kissing a wooden post on a jungle gym, in an effort to mimic both Gwyn Stefani and Mary Catherine Gallagher at once. Whimsical and economical with my time– how did my parents get it so right with me?

My choices in preteen heart throbs were also whimsical. Obviously I loved the usual Jonathan Taylor Thomas’ and Leonardo DiCaprios because I wasn’t so weird that I couldn’t function in normal society, I just also was a secret freak who enjoyed the gentlemanly appearances of:

Tom Selleck:

Tom in “Three Men and a Baby,” one of my favorite childhood movies other than the “Look Who’s Talking” trilogy.

I was told liking Tom Selleck was weird, but I just think I had the sensibilities of 45 year old. To say “had” is misleading. I definitely still do.

Chris Hardwick from “Singled Out”:

Do you even remember this show? I shouldn’t, I was 7 when it came out, but I’m a 90’s savant.

This was the best picture I could find of Chris in his ‘Singled Out’ days, and he’s actually exceedingly handsome now that he’s not rocking the 90’s male lesbian haircut.

Giovanni Ribisi:

Again, I didn’t know that finding Giovanni attractive was weird until my mother pointed it out recently. I think I find it attractive when men talk like a developmentally delayed child.

And this last one… I shouldn’t tell you think last one, just like my father told me I shouldn’t tell anyone that I think the Olympics are boring, but here it is:

Steve Buscemi:

Now, I know why this is weird. It concerns me, actually. But he doesn’t look so bad in ‘Reservoir Dogs’ does he? I’m sorry, I’m trying to minimize this. I looked at his IMDB page to try and figure out where this vague crush originated from, and the only thing I can think of is it must have started about here:

He hosted when Third Eye Blind was the musical guest!! That must be it!

….

I’m a monster.

Summer Check List: See a Concert

One day (I’d wager it’s probably at least two full presidential terms from now) on the eve of my wedding, I’m going to sit my fiance down and make him watch me dance and sing along to Gin Blossom’s ‘Hey Jealousy.’ I’ll know we’re meant to be if after 3 and a half minutes of that he’s still wants to spend the rest of his life with me–until his 20 year old mistress doth part us. It’s the perfect test because on Sunday I saw the Summerland tour with Sugar Ray, Gin Blossoms, Lit, Marcy Playground, and Everclear… and let’s just say I was a sight. I sang along to ‘My Own Worst Enemy’ like I was serving up some Say What? Karaoke realness on MTV’s Spring Break.

{Marcy Playground}

I thought it was a great concert, though we left early before Everclear performed because… I don’t know, it’s Everclear.

{Sugar Ray}

I actually can’t remember if I thought Mark Mcgrath was a hottie back in the day, but I tell you, when you see him live on stage… let’s just say he wore those white pants like Labor Day ain’t never gonna come!

 

Style Inspiration: TGIF

After yesterday’s walk down Memory Lane with Devon Sawa, I’ve been getting nostalgic for the 90’s. I would say 75% of the music I own is 90’s college radio stuff (I’ve seen Third Eye Blind twice, and I can tell the difference between songs by Deep Blue Something, The Gin Blossoms, and Better than Ezra, which is an accomplishment since all of their songs sound exactly the same), you know I love me some Clintons, and my heart swells with pride for Mayim Bialik since she became a series regular on The Big Bang Theory because Blossom deserves all the happiness and success in the world.

Before you say anything, I know that Blossom wasn't on TGIF.

I would say I’m very well versed in 90’s TV, which is one of many reasons why I’m such a good Stump! Trivia teammate. TGIF was a passion of mine, and it was particularly influential on my early fashion and hairstyle choices, which is unfortunate.

One of my favorite shows was Clueless.

YOU’RE WELCOME.

So many teddy bear back packs. And marabou. And completely monochromatic outfits made of pleather. Those were the days, my friends.

Another show that appreciated a nice marabou collar was Two of a Kind. It was only on for one season, but oh, what an impact it made on my life.

Look at that funky 90’s hair! I love funky 90’s hair! (Speaking of funky, a little fashion anecdote about myself: I straight up used to wear bindi to school in the 5th grade. Like, No Doubt, Gwen Stefani bindi on my forehead. I know there’s a picture of me with it on the playground somewhere–I’ll try to find it for your viewing pleasure. I think I’m fake kissing a tree in it, so you can thank me for starting the duck/kissy face trend).

I would say another great fashion-y show would be Sabrina the Teenage Witch, but as Melissa Joan Hart sitcoms go, Clarissa Explains it All is far superior.

Justin Timberlake can thank Clarissa for his glasses.

Blossom, will you dance us out?

Spice Girls: My Fashion Influence

I was doing some cleaning in my room and found a binder I had around the third grade when I wanted to be a fashion designer. There’s several pages of work, but these three drawings were easily the most impressive of the bunch, what with the construction paper and all. What I find most interesting about this (because I won’t pretend to assume that any of you find these pictures interesting) is that it’s so obvious these were made in the 90’s, and I can tell you exactly what I was influenced by when I drew them.

I really put some time into this one- just look at those fireworks! I just want to point out that those shoes (that have toes inside them, but no foot or body attached to said toes) are jellies. For some reason I think Kirsten Dunst was my influence for this one- I think I had just seen the movie Dick. 

Okay, first of all, that hat is supposed to be pleather. Secondly, that shirt is influenced by the shirt the girl wears in the video for the song “Lovefool.” If you were curious, the “W” on those shoes stands for “Whatever.”
This outfit has to be my favorite. The shoes are all sorts of Spice Girls. Do you remember the Spice Girl days? Everyone had some version of platform shoes, and the girls with the highest platforms were the coolest (and according to your mom, had the most neglectful parents. Smaller the platform, better the parent). Now may I direct your attention to the trim on every available seam- this is marabou! If you can remember, Mary Kate and Ashley (on Two of a Kind) always had the fly-est marabou trimmed everything! Also, marabou was all over Clueless the TV show (the movie had decidedly less marabou). Someday I hope to be rich enough to get this entire outfit made.