Life of Pie (LOL)

“Dara, I took a picture of your plate so you can blog about it.” – Mom

She has finally become the stage mother I’ve always wanted.

Thanksgiving Recap

This is not so much a recap of my Thanksgiving weekend as it is a cry for help as I sit at my desk at work. My intestines are so tired, guys. They just want to sleep. Using rolls soley as a vehicle for transporting butter into my mouth has caught up with me, and it’s taken me an hour and a half to finish my breakfast smoothie.

Just to explain how I got to rock bottom, here’s what the weekend looked like:

If you remember from this post, one thing I want for Christmas this year is the Momofuku bakery cookbook, which includes the recipe for ‘crack pie,’ which is essentially a pie made out of butter and brown sugar, exclusively. My mom made this as our “surprise pie,” and it was delicious, but I’m pretty sure I’m still digesting the last of it.

Who doesn’t love monogramed wine glasses from The Christmas Tree Shop? Probably the same person who also doesn’t love filling it with $7 twist-cap chardonnay. I’ll bet that person doesn’t love a bargain, either. Well, I don’t cater to that kind of McScrooge here on this blog (although Scrooges tend to be miserly, this is not the same as loving a bargain. A bargain lover will spend $100 on 200 bottles of ketchup because of a sale, which is completely different from a McScrooge who, I dunno, would fire you on Christmas Eve or something).

My mom got these wine glasses for my friend, Michelle and me, but as she pointed out, can also be used by mommy and daddy. Anyone can use it so long as the drinker bears some kind of alphabetical tie to the monogram. In addition to wine, another highlight to my night spent with Michelle included about 10 pieces of bacon each at about 1am. That’s all you need to know.

Yesterday I saw The Muppet Movie…. or is it The Muppets? I don’t know. What I do know is that Jason Segel is a national treasure. Though the real point to this story is that I ate basically a whole bag of popcorn before the previews ended, and I’m SURE there’s some kernels still lodged in my digestive system.

Now that you’re up to speed on my caloric intake of an entire long weekend, what did you eat? Did you have any fruit that wasn’t baked in a pie?

10 Thanksgiving-y Things I’m Thankful For

Every year at Thanksgiving someone tries to get everyone at our table to say what they’re thankful for. Either my mother tries to initiate this in earnest or my brother does it to probably annoy me when my mom forgets. Regardless, I think this is a vile tradition. I just want to eat and be left alone with my feelings.

However there are some non-sentimental things I’m thankful for in regards to the holiday. Thanksgiving is actually probably one of my least favorite holidays… I don’t know, all you do is eat. That’s the whole premise of the day. Something about that seems very typically American. But, it’s still a holiday which gets me days off and something to break up the monotony of getting up every morning, going to work, sleeping, then doing it all over again and again until your inevitable death. Happy Thanksgiving!

10 Thankgiving-y Things I’m Thankful For

1. That I saw someone with a “thankful for” blog post, which supplied me with an idea for a blog post today. Mostly, I just stole this idea. In general, I’m not a thief (except for this one time I stole my Diet Coke and plastic cup from UNOS because we told them we were in a hurry and they were very slow so we had to take all of our food to go… So I took my drink to go, too. I paid for the Diet Coke, so really I just stole the cup. They can get a new one for a dollar at Christmas Tree Shop. I’m not worried about it).

2. Having Thanksgiving with only my immediate family. I think my mom wishes our Thanksgiving was bigger than just the four of us, but I love it. Not just because I’m antisocial, but because there is no blessing bigger than being able to wear my pajama pants to the dining room table and not having to pretend like I’m not sloppy drunk.

3. Thanksgiving Booze. Since I’ve gotten a little older my family has started a kind of unspoken tradition revolving around the Thanksgiving booze. Basically, my dad just buys me whatever I need to make my cocktail of choice for the meal. These are what memories are made of.

4. An accepted day of binge eating.

5. Stuffing. I hated stuffing up until a couple years ago, and now it’s one of my favorite Thanksgiving foods. A little bittersweet, though… like, we’ve lost so much time together, ya know?

6. My gym being open on Thanksgiving. If I work off 200 calories then that means I have 2,000 free calories to spend on the meal. That’s how math and nutrition works, right?

7. My two dogs. Again, this is not a sentimental list, I’m just happy that if I drop any sweet potato and marshmallows on the floor they’ll eat it before I’d have to bend over and pick it up. So, I’m thankful for two living vacuum cleaners. It’s loads more efficient than a Roomba.

8. Cooking with wine. This isn’t too Thanksgiving specific because you can cook and drink wine any time, but there’s just something so festive about it that I’m thankful for it when ever it comes up.

9. Movie theaters are open. On Thanksgiving I love to take in a picure, see? (to be said in an old timey voice. I wish I could record little bits of this blog and you could click on sentences to hear what the intended inflection or accent or sarcasm was supposed to be. Sorry, you don’t need to know what my frivilous hopes and dreams are.)

10. So this is actually just going to be 9 things because I can’t think of a 10th.