Teen Mom

This past holiday weekend, my roommate and I were entrusted with keeping alive something far more precious than a human baby– a wittle dogggyyyyy, awww!!!

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Teen Mom

In exchange for wine, good karma, and instagrams of me wearing a doggy baby bjorn, we agreed to walk and feed this precious creature of God, Rufio.

I was really excited to do it because since moving to California from New Hampshire, I’ve been missing my Chiweenies (chihuahua/dachshund), Henry and Wilbur:

Bone Thugs

Bone Thugs

I was getting the itch to have something around the house that’s more pathetic and adorable than me, and I had begun thinking about how fun it would be to have my own dog. Though I can barely afford food for myself, and I’m not even allowed to have dogs in my apartment, once I get an idea in my head, I can’t get it out (unless there’s a Law and Order: SVU marathon on).

So playing puppy parents to Rufio came at the perfect time.425028_10152827182745144_417404990_nDo you remember how on every 90’s kid’s show, there was an episode where for a class  the cast had to pair up and “raise” an egg or baby doll for a week, as I guess, some form of birth control instead of just passing out free condoms and saving everyone the trouble? Well, I always thought that looked so fun, and through taking care of Rufio for the weekend, I finally got to live out my Saved By The Bell dreams.

At first, it was great that Jillian and I finally had a reason to get out of bed in the morning, and Rufio is the most well behaved, loving pup-pup two lesbian adoptive parents could ask for. Seriously, what’s the point of a farmers market if you don’t have a dog or baby strapped to your chest to stroll around with?

But, I think 3 days of parenting was long enough. I remembered how hard it is to care for a living thing if your parents aren’t there doing 90% of the work. Though we suddenly had a reason to get out of bed in the morning, we had to get out of it sooooo earllllllyyy!

However, to our credit, I think Jill and I would make great parents. I think if we’re still single at 45 we should adopt a Somalian orphan together. Preferably, a 14 year-old who can pretty much take care of herself.

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Teen Mom and Me (It’s Too Late, Baby)

I’ve made a monumental life decision on my way to the allergist, and I thought I would make the official declaration here.

As you may or may not know (or care), I’m an aspiring comedic performer/writer. Once in a while people say I should go for a reality show or something, but I’ve always thought this would be something I would never do because of street cred purposes in the event that I do get successful in legitimate entertainment (Sidenote: I have this running fantasy every time I watch Real Housewives of NJ that I meet Albie Manzo in a NYC bar and we start dating. Then when it gets to the day where the producers of RHONJ want some footage of him with his new girlfriend, I decline to film because I’m too dedicated to being a serious artist. Now Albie knows my love is true and not for fame and Caroline Manzo gives him a speech in their kitchen about how no one’s good enough for her son, but I come close…. sorry, this just got way too real).

So, ANYWAY, I still don’t want to be on some sort of long-running, character driven reality show, but if I’m 35 and have gotten nowhere in my career I can consider it a wash and go out for some sort of show with different people every episode like Say Yes to the Dress or Intervention. I figure at around 35 I’ll be marrying some gay-fty (thanks, Happy Endings… it’s a gay-safety. Basically, a gay man that will marry me if we’re both single by a certain age so we can live out our dream of having our very own daughter…that we adopted from Malawi named Liza.) so, I can definitely go out for one of those wedding shows on TLC. I also think I have a pretty good shot at Hoarders.