In Defense of Childhood Obesity*

I’m thinking about starting a letter writing campaign asking Michelle Obama to lay off America’s obese kids. I just feel like in an economy like this one you have to choose your battles and focus your efforts… and it’s just way more economical for me to buy children’s clothes than adult clothes because they are so much cheaper. So if you can follow my thought process, the bigger the kid, the bigger the clothing size, which means all the more likely it will fit me.

Am I horrible? Sure. I’ll grant you that. But before you start casting stones and stuff just take a walk through your local H&M’s children’s aisle. That stuff is adorable and half the price of everything in my section! Aside from the sleeves being a little short they fit just fine, and who doesn’t love a 3/4 length sleeve, anyway?

Just look at this stuff from Gap Kids:

Or for the young Ellen Degeneres in your life…

Honey I Shrunk Carrie Bradshaw!, amiright?

Where in the adult section do you see this kind of color saturation?

Look at these girls! These girls look like they would make fun of me in the mall. I want to be their friend.

This guy is tough but sweet. He plays the drums and wears head phones as a necklace. This 8 year-old is out of my league. This has nothing to do with clothes, and I’ve probably gone way too far. As Ice T would say MOOOOVIN’ (on).

Recently I went to H&M and got the cutest crushed velvet purple dress. $14.99. Then I got a sweater with a horse face on it. $10! Both so cute, and if anyone ever asks what size I am I can say size 14 YR, which sounds so chic and Kate Moss-y. For me, children’s clothes just fill the pastel and tutu void that adult clothing so sorely lacks. I want to wear an entire outfit comprised of different shades of pink, and I’d like to do so at an affordable price, thankyouverymuch!!!

Small tangent about tutus: It’s so unfair how popular tutus are for little kids now. I would have killed to have the opportunity to incorporate a tutu into my every day wardrobe when I was young, but I didn’t even know that was a legitimate option. Now kids like Sophia and Rosie can run around in their tutus and tiaras like every day is a dance recital, totally unaware of how good they have it.


*Jk, Jk don’t get mad at me about saying I support childhood obesity!