Happy International Women’s Day….I GUESS

Hey, when’s International Men’s Day, huh? When do men get to parade around the street in celebration of their storied heritage? Just men, coming together, jingling tube socks full of quarters symbolizing the blood and tears that went into preserving the gender wage gap.


Speaking of sexists:


Here are two more misogynists working to reverse all the lady-progress that Taylor Swift has fought so hard for.

{In Bed With Joan Episode 1: Sarah Silverman}

Super Bowl Commercials: Antiquated Gender Roles for Sale!

There is nothing that enhances the Super Bowl experience more for men than lessons during the commercial breaks on pervasive sexism in the media. Though I didn’t have a decisive opinion on which team I was rooting for (I wanted the tearful murderer to lose, but I also wanted Sandra Bullock’s son to win, except they were both on the Ravens so just call me Natalie Imbruglia [I’m torn]), I was certainly sure about one thing: the sexual objectification of women in Super Bowl commercials is a major bummer!

I’ll admit that not every commercial was sexist; some were racist and some had cute animals.

Now, you might be wondering why I’m talking about this subject since women are allowed to vote and because it’s technically illegal for a male employer to rub his khaki covered genitals against a female employee while he pretends to reach for a coffee filter in the break room. You’d think between the right to participate in a democratic society and the right to not get Mad Men-ed at work we woman would finally feel like we have it all. Well, there’s still a bunch of stuff we could all work on, so why don’t we have a ourselves a kiki and talk this mothah out?

To make sense of it all, I have broken down some of the stand-out commercials and rated their lady-hating on a scale of arbitrary numbers and symbols.


So this sad, dateless boy is driving to prom in his Audi, when suddenly some kind of penis adrenaline fumes emitting from the car seep into his brain. He hits the gas, marches into prom, physically grabs a hot girl, turns her around, and kisses her. CUT TO: Boy driving home with a black eye, presumably caused by the boyfriend of the girl he just assaulted. Fade to black and the word, “bravery”.

Screen shot 2013-02-04 at 10.41.38 AM

Score: I’ll give this one 5 Notre Dame Football Players. This commercial basically says that it’s manly to take what’s owed to you (the sexuality of women) and taking a punch for it is cool and admirable (oh, and every girl secretly wants “it”). Little white boy, you are just so brave. Like, adolescent leukemia patients have nothing on you.


Screen shot 2013-02-04 at 2.28.49 PMI just posted a screenshot instead of the actual video because I have a strict “no audible kissing” policy on my blog. The commercial is basically talking about how GoDaddy is sexy and smart, with a sexy woman and smart man making out. Poor, Bar Refaeli. This is just the absolute worst way to stick it to Leonardo DiCaprio.

Score: 3 Ed O’Neills from Little Giants. The ad was just perpetuating the stereotype that women should only be valued for their looks and men for their intellect.


Here, Kaley Cuoco plays a fully clothed genie granting wishes for a family. Although I don’t think a scantily clad woman is inherently sexist, sometimes it’s just refreshing to see an attractive young woman in a well-fitting pants suit, boobies contained. The best part of the ad was when the young daughter asks the genie to make her a princess, and instead of just dipping that girl in glue and rolling her in glitter like I was expecting, they turn her into this badass Joan of Arc-y princess complete with a sword and army.

Score: 10 Tami Taylors. I can drive my 2006 Corolla proudly knowing that it’s both dependable and socially conscious.

Don’t Tell Me What to Do!

So, my apologies to the straight male demo that reads this blog because today we’ll be talking about sex…


Wait! Don’t go!

Look, when I set out to write this blog its intended audience was supposed to be straight women and the gay men who love them because that’s my audience in life. Now suddenly it seems that I have some straight men who read this, and to you, straight men, I say: Welcome. This is a safe space for you. But every once and a while you’re going to have to bear with me and read a post where I openly complain about your kind. You might learn something, so be open, not like the stubborn jerks that you are.

Just kidding, you guys! I love you, straight men. Broad shoulders are my favorite. Don’t ever change.

But it wouldn’t kill you to call instead of text when you’re asking for a date. I’M JUST SAYING…

Anyway, this sexist thing I’m talking about is street harassment. Now, I don’t think any of my readers or male friends/acquaintances are the type of men who would cat call a lady on the street, but maybe you have some friends, or friends of friends that do. Or maybe your middle aged dad is the kind of guy who tells girls to “smile.”

Literally, nothing drives me crazier than when a strange man tells me to smile. Or that “a pretty girl like you should be smiling!” Now, I think these men have no idea that this is actually totally sexist, it’s not like some jerk who yells, “nice jugs!” to you on the street. Like, obviously that’s hostile and sexist. Maybe you’re thinking that asking someone to smile is hardly street harassment, but I’d say it falls under the category. It probably doesn’t make a woman feel unsafe (like catcalling often does) but it pisses us off, so I’d say anything that elicits a negative, unwanted emotion can fall under street harassment.

I can’t tell you how many times a strange man has said this to me in my life. Never once has a woman said it to me. And I bet never once has that man ever told a young man that he’d be a lot more handsome if he smiled. At first when guys said this to me I was just annoyed in a “you don’t know my life!” kind of way or I would get self conscious and think, “do I look miserable? Am I supposed to be smiling while I walk around the mall? I don’t see anyone else walking around by themselves smiling. You’re walking around the mall alone, what is there to be happy about?”

Now some guys might make the excuse that these guys are just making up a reason to talk to you. Middle aged strangers, you don’t need a reason to talk to me unless I’ve dropped money on the ground or the mall is on fire. If you’re a young guy looking to talk to a woman you’re interested in, my greatest advice is think of something else to say. Telling a stranger to smile is none of your business and totally patronizing, and will only annoy that girl.

So if you have a dad or an uncle who says this kind of thing to young women, tell them to knock it off. And if you have a friend that catcalls women on the street, you should tell them to stop and don’t be friends with them anymore–they’re awful! Frankly, I’m now skeptical of your judge of character.

And guys, maybe you’re reading this thinking I’m being my regular, critical, possibly pain-in-the-ass self (which I believe is a synonym for charming, no?), I can promise you that this is a very common school of thought amongst women.

Where my ladies at??? Back me up in the comments section! Woop Woop! “I’mmmm every woman it’s all in meeeeeee… Chaka Khan!”


Who Wore it Best?, or US Weekly is the Devil

Fun anecdote: one time, I had a couple glasses of wine and then cried while I watched E! because Giuliana Rancic (a woman who’s narcissism/sociopathic tendencies could rival any OC Housewife’s) was going on and on about something to do with one size 2 celebrity  looking better in a dress than some other size 2 celebrity who looked like a fat, fat, fatty in that same dress. Without getting soap box-y (though, what else is a blog for?) I hate, hate this ‘Who Wore it Best’ crap that is all over E! and US Weekly. 1. It’s sexist. (Have you ever seen two men pitted against each other? Even if you have, it’s probably a 1 to 100 ratio, man to woman) 2. It perpetuates competition between women (another reason why you never see male ‘Who Wore it Bests’ because the media doesn’t tell men they need to compete with each other when it comes to their appearance).

ANYWAY, I just thought I’d show you this fun little screenshot I found on USWeekly.com:

Tell me, which prepubescent 6 year-old body filled out this Juicy Couture cardigan better? My vote is for Suri. C’mon, Violet, what are those white trash leggings? You were are (being) raised in Brentwood, not a meth lab! Step it up, you little blonde ogre! Who dressed her??? (probably her mom).