Submit a Q: How to Get Over a Guy

Dear Dara,

For some back story, I’ve been hanging out with this guy – we have gotten pretty close on a friendship level. I never really saw any potential until a few of my friends told me he totally adored me. This of course warps all normal thought processes and makes me think that maybe there is a love connection. Since normally my “douchebag radar” is always on and I love a good chase, I figured maybe for once I should listen to my friends and go for the nice guy. Finally, growing the balls (sorry to be so crude), I put on my best mascara and lip gloss and was ready to tell him how I felt. It was a warm summer night and the rain was falling on my recently lotioned legs while sitting on the stoop of his house … and I totally got rejected. I apparently wasn’t what he what he was looking for, which is odd because I’m a catch. Being this the first time to totally be smacked in the face in quite some time, and especially after putting myself out there when it’s something I never do, I would like to know how to move on and make the best of a sour situation.

– xoxo Disillusioned in DC

First, Disillusioned, may I congratulate you on your moxie. It’s very brave to put yourself out there like that, and as a person who never displays any sort of emotion besides sassy or drunk, I have a lot of respect for you. Not everyone can be vulnerable like that. I mean, I’m so emotionally inept that one day at my wedding, my vows to my husband will probably just be, “you’re cool, I guess, let’s binge watch Netflix originals together for the rest of our lives, but if you’re not into that it’s fine.”

Now, to answer your question, I’ll give you some advice an acting teacher once gave to my class. I think this is some good insight, but in the spirit of full disclosure, this teacher was a Manic Pixie Dream Girl who, like, went on 10 day silent yoga retreats, and we all had inappropriate feelings for her, so it’s possible I was drinking her Kool-Aid. But I don’t think so. Anyway, she told us about some guy drama she had when she first started performing at this improv theatre, and someone told her to just “put her head down and do the work.” In your situation I think that translates to you should just focus on your career and your hobbies and the things that are important to you, independent from men. You know you’re a catch so telling you that this guy’s a jerk won’t make you feel any better. Going out and meeting new boys can help, but in my experience it just bums me out more because I remember how much I hate small-talking dude-bros at bars. So, yeah, immerse yourself in things that lift your self-esteem, and you’ll develop that inner glow that only pregnant women and happy people have. Because in the wise words of RuPaul, “if you can’t love yourself, how the hell you gon’ love somebody else?” And also, “cut your fake eyelashes into 3 strips so they’re easier to apply.”