LA Preparations

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Now that it’s March 1st, the countdown really begins for my road trip to LA. There’s so much to do in order to get ready for a move, particularly one that involves driving across the country, so I’m trying to be really organized and keep my priorities in order. I’ve accomplished some important things so far, like:

1. Lost 2 pounds. I’m trying to subsist on a diet comprised of primarily kale and alcohol, so I’m prepared when I actually get to LA. My goal is that by the time I get there, I’m able to complete a Soul Cycle class on just a belly full of vodka and Pressed Juicery.

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2. Bought a really cute floppy brimmed straw hat because I needed it because the sun! And I’m on a never ending pursuit of being a hat person.

3. Went back to the orthodontist to get a removable retainer for my bottom teeth because last year I had my permanent retainer taken out. My teeth shifted, and every time I looked in the mirror at my janky teeth, I was overcome with the anxiety that if I was ever in a movie, people would see my crazy crooked bottom teeth while I was talking during a close up. Now I just have to wear this retainer 24 hours a day. If you’ve figured out that when I’m writing about how I’m a loser who drinks wine by herself while I watch SVU, I’m really scraping the bottom of the comedy barrel. But now I’m 24 with a retainer that gives me a lisp, so I’m somehow an 11 year old nerd and 45 year old divorcee, both with no life. A whole new set of things to talk about!

4. Took all my shorts out of my bureau and onto the floor so I’ll know where they are when I have to pack up the car.

5. Bought a Clinique daily wrinkle cream with SPF 25 to wear during the road trip.

The important things are pretty much out of the way, I just need to get my hair done and buy make up while I’m still in tax free NH. Still no job or place to live, but I’m pretty confident that if I hang around West Hollywood in my new hat someone will just approach me with a job offer or something.

LA Woman

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I have some fun news to share with you all today (just as a warning, it really only affects me, so feel free to just start skimming at this point). I’m moving to LA next month with my friend, Jillian from college!

FAQs:

Q: Do you have a job lined-up yet?

A: You are aware that I want to be a comedian, right? So, no, I do not have anything lined-up yet. I’ll be sure to let you know when I land a job scanning membership cards at the front desk of a 24-Hour Fitness.

Q: Where will you be living?

A: This must be your first time here – I would never post that. The hallmark of this blog is my paranoid stance that everyone is stalking me. It’s what gives it such a strong sense of narcissistic charm.

Q: What are you going to do once you get there?

A: First, I’m going to start taking classes at an improv theater. I guess from there I’ll just do my best to hold on to my morals and identity in a town where friends wouldn’t hesitate to betray you for the chance to star in a Kotex commercial.

Q: How are you getting there?

A: My mom and I will be roadtripping there, stopping in Nashville, Oklahoma City, and Phoenix. Along the way, I’ll be blogging here and on my tumblr in case you’re interested in pictures of me eating regional fast food. If you know of any places I should see in those cities or along Route 40, let me know in the comments, and please keep in mind how much I appreciate quirky, Americana ambiance and biscuits. Most importantly, if you have any leads on jobs in LA please keep me in mind. The only thing I love more than biscuits is money to pay for biscuits.