Holidays in Instagram

This is just a picture of a tree from JCPenney’s. It has no emotional significance, so don’t worry too much about it.

For Christmas Eve my family and I went to the restaurant my brother works at for dinner. After this picture was taken I loaded this puppy up with cream because it was Christmas. CART BLANCHE, PEOPLE! This is my binge eating Super Bowl.

My Christmas Eve outfit. Over the course of the evening I some how ended up looking like a prostitute. Actually, more like one of those romanticized hookers from a movie. Or if I’m being kind, like that Toddlers and Tiaras 3 year-old who dressed up like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman for a pageant. I didn’t start out looking like this, but I had a couple of glasses of wine in the restaurant and found some red lipstick in my purse. It was all over after that. I stand by this look.

One of my Christmas presents. A Parks and Recreation tee. I would have also accepted anything that said ‘Treat. Yo. Self.’ on it.

New Year’s Eve. Henry and Wilbur with their new friends before we put them in a pot of boiling water. Just to be clear, we put the lobsters in boiling water, not my dogs.

This is my 24 by 24 resolution list. I made it when I turned 23, but only managed to accomplish number 1, which is “read a book a month,” so I turned it into a New Year’s resolution list and framed it.

I’m not going to tell you all my resolutions/goals because this isn’t Livejournal, but here’s a taste of some things I’m trying to work on to make me less of a useless human being.

  • Work on procrastination/time management skills. I heard recently that you should spend a day documenting everything you do every minute to see where your time goes, which I’m trying out today. Here’s how things are going:

943am: Checked blogs
947am: Blog
948am: Checked Twitter
950am: Blog
953am: Checked Twitter
954am: Blog
1003am: Checked Twitter
1006am: Bathroom
1008am: Blog (and it just goes on like this forever).

  • Write for Hello Giggles. I don’t think this needs qualifying. Obviously, I just put this here in case someone from HG would see this. Shameless!
  • Learn how to play the ukulele. Specifically, learn how to sing and play it at the same time. I’ve had my ukulele (named Kevin UKE-illis, obviously) for, like, 2 years, and all I can do is play a completely unrecognizable version of the opening chords of “Kiss Me” by Sixpence None the Richer.
  • Write in my blog, Monday through Friday. Ugggghhhh.

And here are just some final hopes for the new year:

1. There is no reason why we should be carrying the phrase ‘FML’ into the next year. Girls, stop taking pictures of yourself on the toilet at parties, too. Both of these things make other countries hate Americans.

2. Can we all agree to be a little harder on Katy Perry in 2012? I will give you ‘Firework,’ but I have to draw the line at ‘Last Friday Night.’ We don’t have to make all her songs hits, ya know.

3. I’m still pulling for gourmet donuts to be the new cupcake. I think we can do it this year.

I’ll leave you with this prediction: 2012 is Anderson Cooper’s year! I’m telling you! Have you seen his new show, Anderson? The other day he just talked about how he’s a disordered eater that has Boston Market every day. Yessss.

(Follow me on Instagram: daralaine)

Favorite Posts of 2011

Here are some old posts where I just really out did myself.

{Thoughts on Some Women and Sports}

{5 Men Every Woman is Entitled to Date}

{The 12 Tweets of Courtney Stodden}

{Vegas Part III: Thoughts on Clubbing}

{Hello Giggles Illustrated Tweet of the Day}

{Reasons Why Gwyneth Paltrow is Better than You!}

{How Very Mary Kate of You, Elaine!}

{Parker’s Maple Barn}

{Vegas Part II: Wolfgang Puck’s Bar and Grill}

{Sport Eating Beach Field Trip}

To be totally honest with you, I decided to just do a round up of 2011 blog posts because I wanted to turn something out quick (like how 90’s sitcoms used to do those episodes where the main characters just sit around and go, “hey, remember that time when…..” and then they just start playing a montage of old episodes. Like that). This actually took forever because I just started reading old posts. Similar to how I clean my room, which is actual cleaning in 10 minute spurts and then try on old clothes for a half hour. I have the worst time management skills of all time. I have great motor skills, though. Just ask me to cut a piece of paper neatly. I’m all over that.