Halloween Recap

This story of celebratory binge eating begins with my drive home from work on Halloween afternoon. I lost control and found my car Herbie Fully Loading me into the parking lot of a greek pizza shop… but getting out of the car was my choice.

At 3pm I went in and ate a gyro and fries, knowing full well I would be going out later that night. I ate it, totally aware of what I was doing, and I didn’t even care. I ate those onions and spiced gray meet from an unconfirmed dead animal and hoped a tooth brushing would be enough. I can’t sacrifice birthday week eating for the people or hot guys who might be breathing around me. Truth be told, I do this all the time… Like, oh we’re going dancing in Boston? So we’ll do Indian tonight, then?

After gargling peroxide and hoping that killed anything alive in my mouth, I headed to Salem, Mass for Halloween. Now, I know last week I teased everyone a little bit with what my costume was going to be.

Well, I was going to be Chucky Finster.

I went out the weekend before as Chucky, and no one knew who I was until I told them (and even then I think I was getting a lot of sympathy nods of recognition). Suddenly, my adorable throwback costume didn’t seem like such a great idea. Especially next to a sexy Minnie Mouse, Wonder Woman, and Football Ref.

On actual Halloween I had every intention to wear my Chucky costume again. Again, no one would know who I was until suddenly some geeky-hot guy would come up to me knowing exactly who I was supposed to be and then Sixpence None the Richer would play and we’d slow dance our way into a very meaningful 4 and a half month relationship.

Then my friend, Michelle suggested I try on her Peter Pan costume.

I took off my purple glasses, put on the green dress and “Kiss Me” began to play as I looked into the full length mirror and said, “I… I’m beautiful,” as a single tear rolled down my cheek. Then I booty dropped and shouted to the world, “maybe the media’s portrayal of women as sexual objects isn’t so bad after alll!!!!!”

Then we ate:

Michelle is the queen of birthdays and she had this beautiful spread for me. Which includes spinach and artichoke dip and salt and vinegar chips. It should be noted I entirely forgot to bring my tooth brush to her house.

We headed out into downtown Salem and went to a Chinese restaurant so we could go to the bathroom, and then we figured while we’re here we might as well eat a poo-poo platter real quick. After finishing our platter we went to a bar and just danced by ourselves and no one said ANYTHING about how beautifully my green costume set off my hair, but it was still a success because I don’t like it when anyone touches me while I dance. I like to keep it Orthodox Jewish wedding appropriate as far as coed interaction goes. Just let me Cha-Cha-Slide with myself.

Overall, it was a great night with one of my best friends, who always makes my birthday/Halloween so much fun!

Us over the years:

My 21st

My 23rd

My 24th

Slutty Halloween costumes to all, and to all a good night!!!!

Sport Eating Beach Field Trip

I’m so very lucky to have been birthed by a lady who will drive great lengths for food (usually of the fried or pastry variety). So, for no reason my mom and I drove an hour to the beach to get a bunch of food.

My grandmother says this sign used to say something along the lines of “Salisbury Beach: No Dogs, Jews, or Blacks,” but no one asked me to leave, so I think they’re cool with it now.     German fries. If I were on the “Best Thing I Ever Ate” my list would include: German fries, a brie sandwich from the Baltimore airport, and a Honey Butter Chicken Biscuit from the TX fast food chain Whattaburger, so uh, ya, you can call me a foodie.    What we came home with: cannoli, pizza, caramel corn, salt water taffy, cotton candy, cellulite.