Dad’s Visit to LA

I dropped my dad off at the airport this morning after a most successful long weekend with him. My mom told me to show him a good time so he’d want to get a job near LA and move the rest of the family here from NH. I think I did an okay job because he seemed pretty impressed that there were so many places to get bottomless mimosas and nobody seems to care if you walk your dog through Nordstrom. Things you just don’t see in New Hampshire.

Some fun activities I had planned included going to Ikea on a Saturday afternoon and then bringing him to my improv 101 show.

photo 1Just kidding, that was just a description of two separate layers of Hell. However, I am not kidding that that is actually how we spent his California vacation. But wait! We also spent some time putting together the Ikea furniture and then he took me grocery shopping!  Soooooo, if you’re thinking about visiting LA and need a tour guide, I’m definitely a great candidate as long as you’re cool with spending $200 on me at Trader Joe’s and then just hanging a couple pictures, and if you have time, can you help me install some curtain rods in my room?

photo-3On Monday, I took my Dad to The Grove. We went to Planet Dailies and got a bunch of appetizers because he knows that my favorite kind of meal is comprised only of hors d’oeuvres (and I believe it is customary to do only what you want when hosting a guest in your home). Over sliders and lettuce wraps, he imparted this bit of fatherly wisdom: Bombay Sapphire Gin is smoooooooth.

photo 2After, we took a look around Dylan’s Candy Bar where I relived a recurring childhood disappointment of mine. All I ever wanted as a kid was something, anything, with my name on it, but there was always a “Dana,” never a “Dara.” I would have even settled for a keychain or mint tin that said “Jake’s Sister” since I was probably called that more often than my actual name.

photo 3

Anyway, the show Extra is filmed at The Grove, and we saw Maria Menounos, Mario Lopez, Eric McCormick from Will and Grace, and most exciting, the woman playing Anna Nicole Smith in the Lifetime biopic. They filmed a bunch of stuff in different outfits, so I’m pretty sure you can watch my dad on Extra through the rest of the week because he was a natural at finding the camera.

Oh, I almost forgot, Mario Lopez has no ass at all. There’s just literally nothing there but a surplus of denim fabric.

With that, Mario’s butt brought our weekend to a close. Pops and I had a great time since we get along so well and because our requisite for a fun vacation is only that we get to eat and drink purely for sport, and that’s mostly what we did. I haven’t eaten bite for bite with a 6’1″ man since I moved away, and it was a great change of pace from my usual diet of brown rice cakes and red wine.

5 Things You’re Too Old for Now

I’m nearly 24 years old now, and though that apparently makes me an adult in the eyes of everyone but the rental car industry, I sometimes forget that I’m not a teenager anymore. It happens every so often, like when my ID gets the once over at the liquor store, and I have to remind myself that it was legally issued to me by the government, not for $60 by a BU sophomore THAT NEVER EVEN WORKED FOR ME ONCE!

Drinking openly at brunch is certainly a perk of adulthood, but there are a few things I took for granted when I was a kid that now I’m just too old for, like:

  1. I’ll never be a child prodigy. If someone discovered me to be outrageously talented at something Oprah wouldn’t even care; as an adult you’re just supposed to be talented by now. No one is making collectible dolls out of Susan Boyle, meanwhile little Jackie Evancho Barbies sit lonely on Toys ‘R Us shelves at Christmas. Maybe Ellen Degeneres will care if I’m a 24 year old speed rapper, but it’s not the same.

    This looks like a fun romp. Hey, Godfrey!

  2. Being unemployed is no longer acceptable. Suddenly everyone is an amateur sleuth asking a million questions about what you do for work. It’s a bad economy- just leave it alone, okay! I miss the days when I could pass off huge gaps in my resume as a time when “school was my full time job.” I did eat tapas on dollar nights at Masa like it was my job, but I don’t think I ever spent 40 hours a week on homework. Those were romantic times.

    This could have been me!!!

  3. The ship has sailed for me and Teen Mom. Not that I wanted to be on Teen Mom, but I like keeping my options open. Now I have to wait another 15 years until I’m age appropriate enough to pursue my “Wife” fallback career, be it House, Army, or Mob. Not a girl, not yet a woman. 
  4. I’ll never be shipped off to my distant aunt’s house to tame my wild ways only to unexpectedly have the best summer of my life when the dreamy 17 year old orphaned ranch hand and an unruly horse named Thunder teach me how to love again after tearing down the walls I built up during my secret struggle with illiteracy (BIG BREATH). Turns out, I didn’t mean to wander on to the old, neighborhood curmudgeon’s private property, I just couldn’t read the “no trespassing sign.” Ahhh, what could have been.
  5. Getting up early on Saturday’s to watch TV is now out of the question. There are times when I think that if the fire alarm went off in my house, I’d need a second to decide if it was really worth getting out of bed. The idea of something like Saved By the Bell having the power to get me up before 8am on a Saturday is so bizarre that I can’t believe at one time in my life I was that excited about anything, let alone Mario Lopez.

I hope this was uplifting.