Road Trip to LA: Days 5, 6, & 7

At 6 am, my mother and I left our Amarillo hotel room in the same clothes we wore (and slept in) the day before. You can judge us, but we decided not to bother with bringing in our suitcase because the longer we stayed outside, the more opportunity some backwoods hillbilly had to murder us. Sorry, if you’re from Amarillo, and maybe it’s actually a lovely place to grow up, but all I’ve seen is one of your hookers, 3 of your Marriots, a Japanese steak house that looked suspiciously like a strip club, and the worst Whataburger I’ve ever been to.

photo-3One of my top three favorite foods is Whataburger’s honey butter chicken biscuit with extra honey butter. It’s been a few years since I’ve had one, and I looked forward to getting to Amarillo, solely for this treat (because what else is there to look forward to in Amarillo besides the relief of sweet death?) and it was such a disappointment. My chicken was dry and I’ll be DAMNED if that was extra honey butter. I give a rating of C- for the Whataburger on I 40 East, in case you were thinking of making a trip.

Then there was driving. Then there was Vegas. Thanks to a $20 bill slipped to the front desk lady at Caesar’s Palace, we were upgraded to a suite, which helped me develop my new definition of success: having a TV in the bathroom.
photo 1-2Then, I experienced my ideal Friday night, which is watching true crime shows on HLN, snuggled in high thread count sheets.
photo 2-2

On Day 6:

Happy hour hopping with my mom.

photo 4-1

We made a stop at the Palm’s Steakhouse. For a classy joint with some bomb-ass sliders, they have a pretty tacky decor situation. This covers their walls:

photo 4-3I imagine that people must pay to get their picture done and put on the wall, and I had to take a picture of this corner because it’s the saddest little corner in the universe. They must be some of the loneliest people in the world. Sure, Steve and Heather Kaplan have each other, but I bet they feel alone even when they share a bed, but I’d bet they haven’t slept in the same room in years. Have any of these people met their fathers? Has Sammy Wong ever felt the touch of a woman he didn’t pay for? Is Flash Man still alive or did he succumb to his opiate addiction years ago? I guess I’ll never know, but may God bless and keep these beautiful, lost souls.

Meanwhile…

photo 1-3Barbra Jo Batterman, my inspiration and role model, is having the time of her life! She is single and thriving!

photo 2-4In the casino, we stumbled upon Shania Twain’s costume for her “That Don’t Impress Me Much” video, and at that moment, life could only be more perfect if a living, breathing Connie Britton was in that outfit.

We saw “Peepshow” with Coco T, which marks the second time I’ve seen “Peepshow” (with Holly Madison), so my self esteem should be a lot lower than it is. All I’ll say about Coco is boobs, and also she is a national treasure and a delightful dancer/entertainer.

FINALLY, FINALLY:

Day 7:

We drove the last 4 hour leg to LA to my apartment…. excuse me, TOWNHOUSE, yes, TOWNHOUSE, which idk if you know, means that our bedrooms are UPSTAIRS, and we have a lemon tree next to our front door so we are living The California Dream. Basically, I’m living the California Dreams theme song music. *Surf dudes with attitudes.*

PS Big thanks to the best mom in the world, SUGALYN, for going on this trip and spending 16 hours a day in a car with me, and footing the bill. And dad for also footing the bill, and fitting all my stuff into a corolla.

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Vegas Part V*: The Sugar Factory

Out of 4 days of being Vegas I ended up going to The Sugar Factory in the Paris Hotel 4 separate times. Sugar Factory includes a candy store/soda shoppe kinda deal, a chocolate lounge, and restaurant. Basically, this was the only place I wanted to go to at all because of their candy themed drinks served in goblets… Because I’m a queen and that’s the only way I wanna drink my dranks.

Candy

Poison

Our bartender, Ian. He made our drinks with "less sweet and sour and more booze." He gets me.

Go to Sugar Factory during happy hour- 2 for 1 drinks! (Me, Caroline, Riley, Michelle)

Make-a-Wish (birthday cake) Milkshake. This was good but my Barbie Milkshake was unreal and PINK.

Also good: Bacon Blue Cheese Burger, Red Velvet Pancakes, and Red Velvet brownie is a must binge.

 

***this is roman numeral 5, dummy.

*****just kidding, I didn’t know that until I wiki’d it just now.

Vegas Part II: Wolfgang Puck’s Bar and Grill

**All the pictures are by Riley (third blonde from the right in the group picture).

I have to say that probably my favorite experience in Vegas was lunch at Wolfgang Puck’s Bar and Grill at The MGM Resort and Casino. It was not because the food was good- it was- it’s because it was FREEEEE. Not just free-free. Like, “get these ladies whatever they want” free. How did my group secure such a free-for-all? Someone who worked in Vegas with a lil’ pull took a liking to a member of my group of fellow travelers. Trust it had nothing to do with me. You’d be surprised how unimpressed men are by me. Let’s just say that if my group consisted of 4 red headed comedians we would have been eating protein plates at Starbucks for lunch.

After some chicken salad sandwiches we ordered some appetizers. Above is the spicy tuna tar tar, and we also got some blue cheese truffle chips which were top 5 best things I’ve ever eaten.

Next we ordered everything on the dessert menu. This is the Banofee (banana toffee) pie. My favorite dessert of them all.

Creme brulee, banoffee, chocolate beignets, lemon meringue pie, chocolate souffle, (cookies to go: not pictured).

My first chocolate souffle.

I’m not much of  beignet girl, to be honest, but my friends who are beignet girls enjoyed them.

Chocolate cake shots.

Passion fruit mojitos…is what I’m drinking. We’ll just pretend the reason why this picture is here is because of the mojito and not pure narcissism.

Our cool waitress who encouraged our excessive day drinking, two ladies from Texas that we bought shots and dessert for (because it suddenly became very important that we help some fellow ladies out), myself, Riley, Michelle, and Caroline (aka WOLFPACK).

The final product. Our waitress gave us each a copy of our receipt to “scrapbook.” So, basically she was on my level.

 

Vegas Part 1: Packing

I planned on posting this before I left for Vegas, but I didn’t finish packing in time to do so. I do this cute little thing where I tell myself I’ve finished packing in advance, but don’t actually put anything in my suitcase until midnight the morning of.

Gap jeans, Target Shirt, Sofft sandals, Rayban Wayfarers, Betsey Johnson Rose necklace, My mom's vintage cuff

This was actually the most prepared I have ever been for a trip since I put out a traveling outfit the night before. I wanted to wear something like this, but what I wore did its intended job (making me un-naked in an airport) just fine.

For the record, I packed all this jewelry and wore the same necklace and earrings every day. This is still a step up considering I usually wear the same yoga pants every day instead. I don’t like variety.

Sparkly dress from Arden B

Sparkle clutch from J. Crew, Flower ring from Baubles and Lace in Boston (a knock off of the Sex and the City ring). I did not actually pack an empty bottle of Dom.

The plane ride in was great, mostly because at my Chicago layover there was a Garrett’s popcorn and you know how much Oprah and I love our cheese and caramel Chicago Mix. I almost missed the plane, but everyone thought my tardiness for popcorn was charming. Then everyone couldn’t help but smile when I started getting cheesy finger prints every where.

 

VEGAS

Oh hey you guuuuys…. this is where I’ll be tomorrow.

LAS VEGAS! Basically, I’m only interested in eating and finding Holly (if you don’t know which Holly I’m referring to, there’s no use explaining, just move along). I will also be happy to meet and obviously befriend Angel or Josh, though if I see Laura I’ll ask for a picture and move along.

I’ll have some posts pre-made for you this week, so check in and keep the bloggy-boo company while I’m away. Blech, that sentence was stupid, I hate myself.

Anyway, I’m all freshly spray tanned and tucked into bed. Goodnight.

Vegas Travel Outfit

Every time I’m about to go on a trip, I dream about what kind of outfit I’ll wear on the plane ride in. The kind of outfit that says, I’m stylish! I’m well traveled! I’m a bon vivant- and I know what that word means! I want to wear an outfit that makes people wonder where I’m wheeling my luggage off to. Also, in this dream I look like a cast member on The Hills with skinny Olsen twin arms wearing over-sized watches and bangles until my frail little hands drag on the floor under the weight. I am also wearing a straw fedora and heels while walking through the terminal in this scenario. Okay, I’m Vanessa Hudgens in this scenario.

When it comes to the actual day of travel, I’m usually too tired to wear anything besides yoga pants and I don’t have a straw fedora that comfortably fits my big head. Wearing heels to the airport is an impossible dream- I’ve worn pharmacy brand slippers out to a bar before, so wearing heels when it’s not expected of me isn’t very realistic.

With that said, I’m going to Vegas in a month and a half, and this time I swear I’m going to wear a cute airport outfit!

I love the outfit Kristen Wiig wears in Bridesmaids when they go to Vegas.

This is the inspiration for my plane outfit, but I want some sequins because it’s Vegas, and I want to look as gaudy as possible (to match my Betsey Johnson gold lame suitcase).

 Something sort of like that.

This is perfect, but it’s out of stock (and listed in English currency so I wouldn’t have been able to figure out how much it cost, anyway):

I’m thinking about buying a plain black and white shirt and then buying strings of sequins and sewing them on one row on and then get bored.