In My Purse

Here’s what’s in my purse:

Somewhere around 5 dollars in change. A pastime of mine is to hoard change in an animal crackers plastic gallon jug, and then eventually use it for gambling money. Just know that your coins are not safe left out around me (your cash is fine, it’s not like I have a drug problem, and I need money for crack…. I realize, though, that it might sound like I have a gambling problem. I do not [but that’s what they all say. {but really, I don’t.}]).

6 kinds of lip gloss/stick/chapstick. Loyal readers will know that I like to keep my lips supple and protected from sunlight at all times.

Nivea lotion. I would say this is closer to Crisco than just a plain moisturizer, but I like to keep my elbows feeling like 600 thread count sheets.

Rice paper oil-blotting sheets. Because all the moisturizer on my lips and elbows just seep out of the pores on my T-Zone. It’s like a BP oil-spill situation on my forehead. Just drop me in a fish tank and they’ll all start floating to the top.

Eye-lash curler. Instead of making more time to get ready before I go out, I like to clamp something metal dangerously close to my eyelid then point a wand caked in black sticky chemicals near my cornea while I drive… so this always just ends up in my purse.

A credit card pouch. Because I rarely carry cash, (and when I do, I like to leave it floating around in my purse in rolled up receipts) I don’t really need a full wallet. I just like to drop anything the size of credit card in here and then shuffle through the deck like this is Reno until I find my debit card or ID.

JCrew bracelet. This has no place in my purse, but it’s been in there since Christmas. If I keep all my jewelry in my purse, then I always have it (there was actually about 7 more pieces of jewelry in there just tangled up in one big ball of cheap Forever 21 metal).

Fortune. Sadly, this really was in my purse.