I would even accept getting secretly taped on an episode of WWYD?. So, if you ever see me in a restaurant launching into a liberal diatribe because I overheard someone making fun of a gay teen, know that I’m doing it because I’m both a good person and hoping that John Quiñones will emerge from the kitchen with a camera crew.
For years I have successfully kept my mom off of Facebook, but a few months ago the day finally came when she arrived home from work with a profile already set up. I refused her friend request for a while –not because I have anything to hide– girl has already seen me a bottle of wine deep, crying while I watch Top Chef. I don’t do anything more interesting than that. I hesitated friending her because Mama loves herself a good forwarded email, so I knew my wall would end up littered with some hardcore inspirationz and affirmationz.
After a run-in with an unlimited mimosas brunch (Brunch! Brunch! Take a shot!) on Mother’s Day, my heart was bursting with mommy-love so I accepted her friend request. Since then, her positivity and clip art have been all over my wall:
I think the best part about these is that anyone who happens to pay attention to her posts would start to get the impression that I am teetering on the brink of spending my afternoon swinging from a shower rod, but I assure you nothing can be that bad if your mother is still posting Cher quotes on your Facebook.
Because I am a disciple of the Church of Oprah, I think it’s important to remember what you’re grateful for besides just the obvious (being alive, your health, not being homeless…stuff you’re going to take for granted no matter what). So, in an effort to be grateful for the simple things in life, here’s a list of things I’m grateful for today.
LEAN POCKETS! I’ve never had a pocket- whether it be lean or hot- ever before, and though I’m grateful that I’ve found it, it’s hard to accept that the ham and cheese whole wheat one just entered my life. I feel like we’ve missed out on a lot of memories together.
Alex McCord is now following me on twitter. Now we can mean tweet Kelly together. Though, I’d be 100% more grateful if Caroline or Dina Manzo were following me. Or any of the Manzos/Lauritas.
My extra large coffee mug I got for graduation (since graduating everything my mother gives me has an inspirational quote about pursuing my dreams on it). I like this mug because it’s cozy and because Oprah once told Tina Fey she knew she’d like her because she had big mugs. So this makes me twofold grateful for this mug: 1. I always knew Oprah would like me, and I have the big mugs to prove it (plus they have an inspirational quote on it so she’d like me extra), and 2. I’m obviously exactly like Tina Fey since having big mugs says a lot about you as a person.