You Should Be Famous

Hi there. How’s your week going so far? Do you like to laugh? Sure you do. That’s why you’re here reading my blog. Did that sound conceited? I didn’t mean it to be. Let’s start over. If you like to laugh, I have a real treat for you: something to make you laugh!

You Should Be Famous is a video created by Jet Eveleth, a teacher I had when I spent a semester my senior year of college at Second City in Chicago. Jet’s like an Improv Pixie Dream Girl, and in this she plays 3 different characters auditioning for an America’s Got Talent-type reality show. It’s very Summer Heights High-ish. So watch the 17 minute teaser and then donate to her indiegogo thing so she can make it into a feature length movie. At what point in this post did I decide to make this the laziest, worst piece of writing I have ever created? First syllable? Byyyye.

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Dad’s Visit to LA

I dropped my dad off at the airport this morning after a most successful long weekend with him. My mom told me to show him a good time so he’d want to get a job near LA and move the rest of the family here from NH. I think I did an okay job because he seemed pretty impressed that there were so many places to get bottomless mimosas and nobody seems to care if you walk your dog through Nordstrom. Things you just don’t see in New Hampshire.

Some fun activities I had planned included going to Ikea on a Saturday afternoon and then bringing him to my improv 101 show.

photo 1Just kidding, that was just a description of two separate layers of Hell. However, I am not kidding that that is actually how we spent his California vacation. But wait! We also spent some time putting together the Ikea furniture and then he took me grocery shopping!  Soooooo, if you’re thinking about visiting LA and need a tour guide, I’m definitely a great candidate as long as you’re cool with spending $200 on me at Trader Joe’s and then just hanging a couple pictures, and if you have time, can you help me install some curtain rods in my room?

photo-3On Monday, I took my Dad to The Grove. We went to Planet Dailies and got a bunch of appetizers because he knows that my favorite kind of meal is comprised only of hors d’oeuvres (and I believe it is customary to do only what you want when hosting a guest in your home). Over sliders and lettuce wraps, he imparted this bit of fatherly wisdom: Bombay Sapphire Gin is smoooooooth.

photo 2After, we took a look around Dylan’s Candy Bar where I relived a recurring childhood disappointment of mine. All I ever wanted as a kid was something, anything, with my name on it, but there was always a “Dana,” never a “Dara.” I would have even settled for a keychain or mint tin that said “Jake’s Sister” since I was probably called that more often than my actual name.

photo 3

Anyway, the show Extra is filmed at The Grove, and we saw Maria Menounos, Mario Lopez, Eric McCormick from Will and Grace, and most exciting, the woman playing Anna Nicole Smith in the Lifetime biopic. They filmed a bunch of stuff in different outfits, so I’m pretty sure you can watch my dad on Extra through the rest of the week because he was a natural at finding the camera.

Oh, I almost forgot, Mario Lopez has no ass at all. There’s just literally nothing there but a surplus of denim fabric.

With that, Mario’s butt brought our weekend to a close. Pops and I had a great time since we get along so well and because our requisite for a fun vacation is only that we get to eat and drink purely for sport, and that’s mostly what we did. I haven’t eaten bite for bite with a 6’1″ man since I moved away, and it was a great change of pace from my usual diet of brown rice cakes and red wine.

LA Woman

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I have some fun news to share with you all today (just as a warning, it really only affects me, so feel free to just start skimming at this point). I’m moving to LA next month with my friend, Jillian from college!

FAQs:

Q: Do you have a job lined-up yet?

A: You are aware that I want to be a comedian, right? So, no, I do not have anything lined-up yet. I’ll be sure to let you know when I land a job scanning membership cards at the front desk of a 24-Hour Fitness.

Q: Where will you be living?

A: This must be your first time here – I would never post that. The hallmark of this blog is my paranoid stance that everyone is stalking me. It’s what gives it such a strong sense of narcissistic charm.

Q: What are you going to do once you get there?

A: First, I’m going to start taking classes at an improv theater. I guess from there I’ll just do my best to hold on to my morals and identity in a town where friends wouldn’t hesitate to betray you for the chance to star in a Kotex commercial.

Q: How are you getting there?

A: My mom and I will be roadtripping there, stopping in Nashville, Oklahoma City, and Phoenix. Along the way, I’ll be blogging here and on my tumblr in case you’re interested in pictures of me eating regional fast food. If you know of any places I should see in those cities or along Route 40, let me know in the comments, and please keep in mind how much I appreciate quirky, Americana ambiance and biscuits. Most importantly, if you have any leads on jobs in LA please keep me in mind. The only thing I love more than biscuits is money to pay for biscuits.