First off, let me just say to those of you with significant others: You have enough resources to figure out what to do on Valentine’s Day. Unless you’re just looking for a nice, cheeky afternoon read, I suggest you go elsewhere because I have nothing for you.
Now to everyone else, here are some ways you can spend Valentine’s Day:
I think at some point everyone has to try the segregated female/male night out bit, but you might find that it’s not as empowering as one might imagine. If you’re going out in the hopes that you’re going to go to some gay club with your girlfriends and dance along to “Single Ladies” ’til the pain goes away, I suggest you pursue a different plan. You have to go out with the right expectations: Don’t go into this thinking it’s going to be a great night of partying and fun. Don’t go into this thinking you are going to find the man/woman you’ll end up marrying. Do realize that any club or bar you go to is just going to be filled with particularly desperate single people preying on each other. Do realize that if you have any sort of positive expectations, the reality won’t measure up.
My best advice is to go to dinner with some friends, drink Cosmos, and decide which Sex and the City character you are. Then, be home at a decent hour and watch Bridget Jones’ Diary until you fall asleep. Enjoy the company of your friends, but don’t make it a big to-do.
2. Pretend it’s Just Another Day.
I think this is a great option, but you have to really commit, and there needs to be a little preparation on your part. First, at least a week before, (there’s still time if you start today) you have to come to terms with the fact that you will be spending the day alone. I can’t stress how important it is that you abandon all hope. If you hold on to any glimmer of possibility, you can’t ignore the holiday to the fullest extent. If you need someone to crush what little faith you’ve been holding on to, let me be that person:
There are 3.5 days until Valentine’s Day. Even if you met the man/woman of your dreams in the next 20 minutes (you won’t), nobody wants to have a first date on V-Day. Starting February 15th, you can begin your hunt for next time. It is not happening for you this year.
When it comes to the actual day, don’t be that weirdo who wears black and psychotically pretends like the holiday doesn’t actually exist. More importantly, don’t be the person who walks around telling everyone that Valentine’s Day was created by Hallmark, this makes you bitter which defeats the whole purpose. You acknowledge that the holiday exists like a sane person, but it’s business as usual.
3. Give in to Depression.
- You can go a day or two without washing yourself.
- Wear a bathrobe. You’d be surprised how much it adds to the overall look.
- Walk around singing “nobody knows the trouble I’ve seeeeen.” There’s more to the song than that, but I like to just repeat that line over and over again. Here’s how it goes if you’re not familiar. The chorus of “Someone Like You” also works.
- Drink a bottle of wine and a block of cheese by yourself.
- Watch The Notebook and yell at the TV.
People will find this kind of sadness endearing. Just make sure you do not talk about your loneliness on Twitter, Facebook, etc. because then you look crazy and/or irritating- you could do all 5 of my depression tips at the same time and it wouldn’t matter. As long as you stay away from the computer, just enjoy reveling in your bottomless despair.
4. Go Out with Your Parents or Another Couple.
Don’t do this! Don’t do this at all! No matter how many times your roommate or relatives say, “Why don’t you just come out with us,” do not listen! All that will happen is the server will ask you if a 4th person will be coming. Then someone has to say ‘no.’ It isn’t pretty. This happened to me last year.
Look, I promised 5 ways to spend your Valentine’s Day. This is a way, but I don’t suggest actually doing it. In fact, consider this a warning. Someone might suggest this to you, and now you know not to do it.
5. Be Your Own Valentine!
Eat an entire box of chocolates…
treat yo’ self.
Watch 6 hours worth of “The Millionaire Matchmaker…”
treat yo’ self.
Enjoy a soothing facial mask…
So, remember, everyone: No matter what you do, enjoy the day because you could be dead this time next year! Happy Valentine’s Daaaay!