Finding a Job

Hey, you know that kinda recent episode of Girls where Hannah goes middle-class-white-girl crazy and shoves a Q-Tip in her ear due to the stress of having a book deal? If that’s normal and soooo “relatable,” how would a normal person’s stress manifest itself if that person just moved 3,000 miles from home and had to find a job and pay rent? If the stress of getting paid to write a book at age 24 is a Q-Tip, and let’s say single mother making minimum wage and raising two kids is a hot steak knife…then I’d say I’m holding steady at a toddler’s tooth brush stuck firmly into my ear canal. In the grand scheme, it’s just champagne problems, but shut up, I’m Beyonce in my tiny universe, and having no job is stressful!!!

Now that I’m on my own, Girls makes even less sense to me. Why isn’t Hannah constantly talking about rent? If they wanted this show to reflect the feelings of a generation, then their scripts should have just kept alternating the words “rent” and “wine” for 30 pages. That would speak to me!

As of press time, so like, right now, I’m working on a bottle of wine after a long day of job lookin’. A day that was meant to be full of some completely undeserved relaxation, turned into a day of running back in forth through sand trying to get to an interview. That only kind of happened, but feel free to picture me doing that in a neon, wide brimmed sun hat.

b219f9e8a95011e2a22022000a1fc78f_7{This was me just prior to hell breaking loose}

My gal pals and I drove about an hour to Santa Monica for a beach day. Goddammit! I should have known I didn’t deserve a relaxing beach day!!!

Just about the time we got to the promenade, I got an email about a job opportunity that was very time sensitive. So in the ensemble you see above, my roommate and I went to the Apple store to tweak my resume and cover letter. After an hour of me hovered over a Mac laptop in my Coachella reject outfit, I finally sent off my stuff, and strutted to the beach, ready to relax after the stressful hour I had. What an hour.

15 minutes later, my shorts are OFF and my Trader Joe’s organic sunscreen is ON, and I am ready for some professional TLC from the California sun. Until! I get a phone call saying I have an interview and can I be there at 4:30, and of course I can ’cause all I have to do is put my mind to something.

So, my poor friends and I.. my poor, poor friends- May God bless and keep you, Jillian and Caitlin (my friends go by their full names, they are cosmopolitain ladies, THANK YEH). They were such great sports. SO, we run… picture me running through sand in that hat to the car. We finally make it to the other side of town, only so I can spend 15 minutes throwing on my interview outfit and showering in a bath of dry shampoo mist, until I was right back out the door.

For my 45 minute drive back, I meditated on the mantra that greasy hair would not be the determining factor of whether or not I got this job.

And hopefully that is actually true.

My interview happened and it was nearly the most majestic 15 minutes of my life, second only to my experience at Disney World’s Main Street Electrical Parade. Just kidding, it was okay, and I hope I get the job, but I release it into the universe like Deepak Chopra tells me to.

It was a stressful day, but it gave me an excuse to have a burger which I’ve been craving. That burger might end up being a celebratory burger or a depressed burger, but either way I enjoyed the burger. Breathe in, breathe out; rent money is just a man-made construct.

******If you’re in the Los Angeles area, please give me a job.

Hot Coffee

Now if Cher from Clueless has taught us anything (more like what lessons HAVEN’T we learned from her???) it’s that a lady must work on both mind and body to be the full package, so let’s do that. Cher and Tai read books weekly, but we don’t have to go crazy the first time out, we can ease into it with a nice documentary. I just watched Hot Coffee on HBO!

Basically, it’s all about the rights of a citizen when they sue big corporations or doctors, the army, etc. It scored an A from Entertainment Weekly, and it’s both interesting and totally depressing! I learned a lot- I’m smarter already.

What things have you been reading/watching lately that makes you feel smarter and thus better than everyone?

Sister Wives

I don’t know if you’ve seen the show Sister Wives on TLC, but it’s my new quasi-obsession. Basically, it centers around 4 sister wives married to this man-child named Cody.

Now, let me just say that I realize this opinion might sound crazy, but they kind of make a good case about why polygamy should be legal.

I’ll explain. So, in my opinion, there is a good-ish polygamy and a bad polygamy. I would consider the good-ish type to be this family on Sister Wives —they all seem pretty normal and nice. Now, if Big Love has taught us anything, it is that the bad polygamy involves living on a compound and marrying off 11 year-old girls to old men. A general rule of thumb is if someone says they are a polygamist and they dress like Kirsten Larson (this is obviously an American Girl doll reference, duh. I can’t believe I even had to qualify it) then they are probably the bad polygamist… this is also an enormous, uneducated generalization.

So, obviously that kind of polygamy shouldn’t be legal, but when it comes to this Sister Wives family, I think they should be left alone.

For one, a big problem people have with polygamy is that it’s totally sexist, and though I can only speak for the Sister Wives family because I know them so well and everything, it pretty much seems like the sister wives have total control over their husband. Like, it’s basically just him acting like a socially awkward 8th grader, and then the wives rolling their eyes at the camera Jim Halpern style. On top of that, their kids all seem to be pretty well adjusted, normal, and nice (more so than those weirdos the Duggars).

All in all, they seem like a nice family and it’s too bad they had to move out of their house in Utah to Las Vegas in the middle of the night to evade the cops who have been investigating them for bigamy (Anne Frank style…wait, too soon)?

They clearly aren’t hurting anyone, so everyone should just leave them alone and let them film season 3 in peace!