Halloween Recap

This story of celebratory binge eating begins with my drive home from work on Halloween afternoon. I lost control and found my car Herbie Fully Loading me into the parking lot of a greek pizza shop… but getting out of the car was my choice.

At 3pm I went in and ate a gyro and fries, knowing full well I would be going out later that night. I ate it, totally aware of what I was doing, and I didn’t even care. I ate those onions and spiced gray meet from an unconfirmed dead animal and hoped a tooth brushing would be enough. I can’t sacrifice birthday week eating for the people or hot guys who might be breathing around me. Truth be told, I do this all the time… Like, oh we’re going dancing in Boston? So we’ll do Indian tonight, then?

After gargling peroxide and hoping that killed anything alive in my mouth, I headed to Salem, Mass for Halloween. Now, I know last week I teased everyone a little bit with what my costume was going to be.

Well, I was going to be Chucky Finster.

I went out the weekend before as Chucky, and no one knew who I was until I told them (and even then I think I was getting a lot of sympathy nods of recognition). Suddenly, my adorable throwback costume didn’t seem like such a great idea. Especially next to a sexy Minnie Mouse, Wonder Woman, and Football Ref.

On actual Halloween I had every intention to wear my Chucky costume again. Again, no one would know who I was until suddenly some geeky-hot guy would come up to me knowing exactly who I was supposed to be and then Sixpence None the Richer would play and we’d slow dance our way into a very meaningful 4 and a half month relationship.

Then my friend, Michelle suggested I try on her Peter Pan costume.

I took off my purple glasses, put on the green dress and “Kiss Me” began to play as I looked into the full length mirror and said, “I… I’m beautiful,” as a single tear rolled down my cheek. Then I booty dropped and shouted to the world, “maybe the media’s portrayal of women as sexual objects isn’t so bad after alll!!!!!”

Then we ate:

Michelle is the queen of birthdays and she had this beautiful spread for me. Which includes spinach and artichoke dip and salt and vinegar chips. It should be noted I entirely forgot to bring my tooth brush to her house.

We headed out into downtown Salem and went to a Chinese restaurant so we could go to the bathroom, and then we figured while we’re here we might as well eat a poo-poo platter real quick. After finishing our platter we went to a bar and just danced by ourselves and no one said ANYTHING about how beautifully my green costume set off my hair, but it was still a success because I don’t like it when anyone touches me while I dance. I like to keep it Orthodox Jewish wedding appropriate as far as coed interaction goes. Just let me Cha-Cha-Slide with myself.

Overall, it was a great night with one of my best friends, who always makes my birthday/Halloween so much fun!

Us over the years:

My 21st

My 23rd

My 24th

Slutty Halloween costumes to all, and to all a good night!!!!

25 Little-Known Facts About Hocus Pocus

I’m fresh out of pithy observations today, but I’m positively brimming with Halloween spirit. I’m still going back and forth between being Chuckie Finster or Wayne from “Wayne’s World” for Halloween, which I need to figure out now because I’m running out of time for my Halloween tradition of getting a McDonald’s Happy Meal in one of those special Halloween buckets, filling it with candy, then eating said candy from said bucket while I watch “Hocus Pocus”  and make my Halloween costume. While I go get my life together and perhaps decide last minute to focus on something more important than eating Raisinettes from a fast food container, go ahead and enjoy this Thought Catalogue post.

Sexy Male Halloween Costumes

Halloween has turned into the holiday where people shamelessly objectify women, and I feel that the only fair thing to do is to start objectifying men, too.

For your viewing pleasure, men being objectified:

I felt really good about that. Let’s move on.

I think the whole women in over-the-top sexy costumes thing is a little played out- it’s taken all the creativity out of figuring out what you’re going to be and making a costume.

But I don’t think I’ll be able to change that trend, so I propose a new, probably way better solution than wearing something more tame.

Shamelessly revealing costumes for men is something the public has not seen enough of so, I’d like to see men from all ages and walks of life going to Halloween pop-up stores and having sexy cop, firefighter, hula dancer, etc. be their only costume options. I want men, no matter tone or pudgy, to feel pressured into wearing a sexy costume. And none of these men can be gay. You get no credit for sexy costumes. If you are a straight man out there, strutting your stuff in some low-quality lycra, I salute you. In my slutty military outfit.

Let’s make slutty Halloween costumes an equal opportunity exploiter. I want to see this for Halloween:

Buddy Halloween Costumes for Singletons

It’s Halloween- just another holiday or another opportunity to rub it in that you are ALL ALONE. While all the other couples are dressing up as Jack and Rose, you are the lone wolf (or sexy wolf, sexy UPS worker, sexy barista, etc.). There’s no need to be sad, though! As long as you have another sad and pathetic friend (just kidding!) you can have just as much fun as all the other costume coordinated couples (just kidding, again).

2 Broke Girls- All you need are some yellow dresses and red aprons. Bonus: Carry around empty coffee pots and you can drink out of them all night!

Cher and Dionne from Clueless… or Cher and Tai… there just has to be a Cher. I just really love the 90’s and any opportunity to wear a mini backpack is one I will take advantage of.

The Plastics from Mean Girls- This one is pretty meta. Dressing up as movie characters on Halloween for Halloween.

Romy and Michelle from Romy and Michelle’s High School Reunion– Only one of the top 5 female buddy movies of all time.

Wayne and Garth from Wayne’s World– This is an easy and cute costume. You can buy Wayne’s hat online and everybody looks cute in the oversized black glasses, but you have an excuse to wear them so no one will mistake you for a hipster.

The Golden Girls- This is for a group of ladies very secure in their looks and who can go without male attention for an entire night out. I think it’s well worth it, though.

I hope you are now feeling inspired to get all girl power-y for Halloween. Have any other ideas for platonic power couples you can go as?

Halloween Decorating

You might remember that in my last post I made an Autumn To-Do List so I could remember that I wanted to buy a costume and do such detailed activities as carve pumpkins. I almost forgot that I wanted to put up decorations that have been put up every year since my birth (not before, though. Pretty sure nothing existed before 1988), but thanks to my trusty list those witch figurines and candy corn wreaths went up without a hitch.

I decorated some squash and pumpkins. Look at my artistic prowess. Those black circles were really intricate.

More importantly than the decoration was the stuff I was eating and drinking whilst decorating.

Cheddar and caramel popcorn- also known as “The Chicago Mix.” It was supposed to be the recreation of my favorite food from Garrett’s Popcorn in Chicago, but it was nothing like the original. I believe this was fall-ish because of the orange cheddar corn and because I put a pumpkin next to the bowl.

These go down like green tea!

What do you like to eat and drink during fall (or what do you like to do, I guess. I’m most concerned about eating and drinking)?

Halloween Costume Ideas

Tomorrow is September, which means from now until the end of October I will be frantically trying to decide on what I should be for Halloween, until the day before when I just go out and buy the last pre-made costume they have.

I’ve been trying to think of red heads I could dress up as, and here are some options:

I could buy these Jeffrey Campbell platforms and be Ginger Spice.

Eh.

This dress from Lulus.com could be a Jessica Rabbit costume…

Nope. Too much pressure!

   Chuckie Finster?

Or this Chucky?

But I’ll probably just be lazy and buy something like this.

Not quite this costume though because I literally can’t think of anything worse than wearing a bikini top in October…because 1. It’s cold and I’ve never been above wearing a parka to a club, and 2. I can promise you that on Halloween the only thing I will have eaten that day is caramel apples and pumpkin spice lattes…which gives my tummy the rumbley’s so I’ll be nice and gassy. There’s only so much stomach I can suck in.

And for your viewing pleasure, the look book video for Bridget Marquardt’s Halloween costume line. It’s everything I wanted it to be and more.