Happy Friday, Gwyneth Paltrow!

That goop article you’ve been slaving over can wait until Monday, so put down your hemp seed detox smoothie and pick up a cold glass of Sauv Blah because it’s the weekend, Gwyneth!
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I’m excited, too!

BTW Gwyney, you fill out a snake skin bikini like a dream.

I’m working today, but I started my weekend festivities yesterday at a party celebrating the opening of a Warby Parker store in The Standard Hotel in West Hollywood. Was it worth staying out so late when I had to wake up so early for work the next day? Well, I got a free canvas tote bag containing a one-size-fits-not-me pair of slippers, so you be the judge (and duh. Of course it was worth it because all women inexplicably love free tote bags that we pack our lunch in once and then never use again).

Plus Mischa Barton was there. It was coolish to have Mischa Barton at that party, but maybe not cool to be Mischa Barton at that party. Like I said, free tote bag, but basically the event was just a bunch of hipsters in affordable glasses and skinny ties standing next to a pool. And wasn’t it just The OC’s 10 year anniversary? Surely there’s some Buzzfeed article about it floating around that might give her popularity a little resurgance granting her access to cooler parties. Or maybe she could just stay home. I’m not a fan of hers or anything so I don’t know her substance abuse history like I do Lindsay Lohan’s or Laurie Forman’s from That 70’s Show (RIP), but she definitely feels like someone who shouldn’t be drinking. Regardless, being in her presence is just cool enough to my hipper East Coast relatives that when they point out that I could be a secretary in New Hampshire too, I can counter with the lie that I live a fabulous LA lifestyle.

Plus, I can’t be a secretary in glamourous Beverly Hills in New Hampshire, can I? Uh-no.

5 Things Friday

Guys, I cannot even contain my excitement. Mindy Kaling used to have a blog called Things I Bought That I Love, which she stopped writing in a few years ago. This Monday, though, she started a new blog/website- The Concerns of Mindy Kaling, which includes posts about things she’s bought that she loves. It’s a must read. So must readable, that I bet you won’t even just skim it while you eat breakfast.

There are two things getting me all choked up this week. One is Courtney Cox going to all of David Arquette’s Dancing With the Stars  performances and the other is everything having to do with Amanda Knox going home to Seattle. I can talk all day about how she is innocent and Dr. Drew agrees with me so there’s literally no question. Did you hear her parents are throwing her a 21st birthday party because she was sad she missed hers? I can’t even… Can someone direct me to a PO box where I can send her a card? Also, if anyone hears about auditions to play her in a movie lemme know so I can send over my headshot. Click on the picture if you want to read about how innocent my girl is!

So, I’m pretty into Eliza Coupe of Happy Endings right now because I found out she’s from NH. I’ve also gone crazy and it’s in my head that I need to cut my hair like hers, so someone out there needs to save me from myself.

This picture. Romy and Michelle’s High School Reunion is one of the most underrated films of all time. That and Jennifer’s Body. If you are wondering what I dream about at night, it’s being in a Post-It dress in Entertainment Weekly with Lisa Kudrow.

This is Henry, my dog, wearing a pumpkin hat. I also found out it looks really cute if I drape my hair over him and create different styles, like Toupe Chiweenie or Farrah Fawcett Chiweenie. This is what I do with my time.

Have a good weekend, nerds!