Winning: Denise Richards

It was announced that Charlie Sheen’s four year-old twins with second ex-wife, Brooke Mueller, were taken from her custody by Child Protective Services on Thursday night and turned over to the toned, loving arms of Sheen’s first ex-wife, Denise Richards. Richards’ now has temporary custody while little Bob and Max’s mommy is on “vacation” at Betty Ford.

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I hate to say Denise is “winning” since this is just a bad situation and children are involved (and more importantly because that slang is outdated), but she really is coming out of this smelling like a rose perfume covering up the stench of a fresh spray tan.

Denise got a lot of bad press when she did her reality show, It’s Complicated, but after Charlie went insane, drinking tigers’ blood and trying to procure a intern, (I’m assuming because he was misinformed and thought interns were prostitutes working for college credit?) she’s been coming off as very patient and levelheaded. She is pretty selflessly taking on her ex-husband’s children, in addition to raising her two older daughters and her adopted baby, Eloise.

She was a triumph in Drop Dead Gorgeous and she named her daughter Eloise! What a lady.

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Look at Eloise. If those eyebrows could talk they’d say, “girl, have you seen Wild Things? Mommy has always made bad look good.”

I hope Denise’s presence in the boys’ lives will make a positive difference, because as it stands now, I’d say best case scenario, those boys will grow up and only one of them will be the direct cause of a sex worker’s untimely death.

Denise, you are earning points in Heaven!

MSDDRDE EC036 You do your victory lap, Queen!

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Victoria’s Secret Tan Enhancing Shimmer Lotion

Denise Richards on Watch What Happens Live

2011 was truly Denise Richards’ year. Nothing could be better for your career (other than an actual job in said career) than having an ex-husband fall into some drug-fueled crazy spiral, while you stand by tending to your young children with grace and nobility. We saw two examples of how an ex-wife with two of your children can react to their former love taking in two stray porn stars…and let’s just say someone is going to end up with two damaged, drug addled and/or promiscuous teenagers on their hands while the other… is probably going to end up with two slightly less damaged, drug addled and/or promiscuous teenagers. I’m just guessing that the ex-wife (Brooke Mueller) who is in rehab right now (soooo that leaves her kids to be in the care of…. Charlie?) and insists on doing ill-fated reality shows with Paris Hilton is going to have crazier offspring, than our Audrey Hepburn of Playboy, Denise.

Denise Richards’ legs also had a really great year. If I were Paula Deen, and I was in Crayola crayon naming business… and Denise’s legs were drawing implements, I would name her legs “Bronze Butter.” (Wow, sorry about that. Grasping at straws).

Denise mentioned on Watch What Happens Live that she uses a body bronzing/concealing lotion called RCK, which is $40.

Now, my legs hardly see the light outside a pair of Old Navy yoga pants, so I can’t rationalize this purchase regardless of the results. However, I found Victoria’s Secret Tan enhancing Shimmer Lotion last year, and for only $12, it’s totally worth the purchase.

It really makes a difference- your body gets a nice glow, and it evens out the tone of your skin. I’d be curious to see if there is even a big difference between the two products… so RCK, if you’d like to send me a free bottle, I think I could carve out some time to do a blind test for you to post here. On my very, very prestigious and influential blog.