Check out the latest episode of my podcast! Please rate/review/subscribe!!
Check out the latest episode of my podcast! Please rate/review/subscribe!!
My friend Shannon Amabile and I started a podcast- She’s an actual MFT and I’m a therapist like a bartender’s a therapist. We’re also comedians! The goal of the podcast is to help relieve the stigma of getting help for mental health issues both big and small. And to be famous!
We’d love to have some questions to answer on future episodes, so if you need any advice or have questions like “what personality disorder do you think Lindsay Lohan has?” (that particular question is covered, but you get the idea) you can email us at email@example.com or submit anonymously at our tumblr http://youneedtherapypodcast.tumblr.com/
Please download our podcast on iTunes… subscribe, rate, review and help us get into the New and Noteworthy section so I at least have some hope of not handing out samples at Whole Foods across SoCal for the rest of my life!
NEW EPISODES EVERY WEDNESDAY! AND I PROMISE WITH THIS PODCAST IT WILL ACTUALLY BE EVERY WEDNESDAY!!!!
Here’s a video I made all by my lonesome, just me and a camera, making a clickbait-y video. Please, by all that is holy, can you subscribe to my YouTube?
I can’t stand the Olympics. It takes away my regularly scheduled television programs for two whole weeks and then no one will let me watch Bravo because the Olympics only come once every 4 years and the Housewives are replayed twice a day.
I thought Whiplash was FINE. Not like, “what a fine film,” but like, “UGH, it was FINE.” I won’t regale you with my thoughts on how there were only maybe 3 female extras in the entire music school just about. Regardless of that, I hate films that involve too much drumming, or wild drumming. Or any movie where people get yelled at to practice instruments except for Mr. Holland’s Opus because trust that I will watch it every time it’s on TV.
I think polygamy is a cool and acceptable life choice as long as everyone is of age and like those Sister Wives people. I wish those sister wives could all marry each other because I think that idiot husband-child is just a major handicap and his hair looks over processed. The second half of this unpopular opinion is probably a VERY popular opinion amongst viewers of the show.
Ross was the comedic glue that held Friends together.
I never lost any sleep over that missing Malaysian plane or what’s up with the Bermuda Triangle or Amelia Earhart. I just don’t care about things that disappear out of nowhere unless it’s a coed on a spring break trip to Mexico. Serial Killers > Plane drama any day.
It’s all out there now. Love me or leave me.
Here’s my newest video that I created with my favorite visionary filmmaker and hot toddy boyfriend Nate Larkin-Connolly.
Every person I tell about this video seems worried for my safety, so if I disappear go to the NFL’s house and check on their alibi.
This is a rewrite of how the song “Baby, It’s Cold Outside” should go. Please share and subscribe!
Before last night, I hadn’t seen Peter Pan in years, the stage musical or otherwise, but as a little kid, I loved the 1960 Mary Martin version, never questioning Peter’s antics or why a 47 year old woman was playing a pre-pubescent boy.
That all changed last night!!! Watching NBC’s Peter Pan as an adult made me realize what a stone cold garbage monster Pete is!
Like, at best Peter is a total dick, at worst, he’s a high functioning sociopath who despite being, what, like, 100 years old? stalks and manipulates barely pubescent girls into coming away with him to clean his house and tell him what a hero he is, nearly getting them killed in the process. Then he sends them home, but only after telling them some sob story about how after choosing to run away as an infant, he decides years later to return home, only to be completely insulted that his parents didn’t leave a light on for him like they’re running a goddamn Motel 6. Peter gives these girls some damp eyes and a lip quiver, makes them promise to keep their bedroom window unlocked for when he wants to come back, only to actually fly through that window 30 years later to tell them their hands are too crepe-y to go back to Neverland, but can he please have your 12 year old daughter, you old gutter witch?
Also: was Christopher Walken thinking of Natalie Wood when he had to walk the plank or no?
Hey, Kitten Mittens. I’d like to introduce you to a new series on this blog- Daily Reminder- where I take a moment out of my blessed day to remind you of the sins you might be committing (#NotAllMen!!!) against other various nouns that you share this earth with.
With that, today’s reminder is:
While they may look fly as hell, Native American war bonnets are not for you, fashion girls!
It’s not even for Cher!
If it’s not okay for Cher, it is most certainly out of the question for you. If you want to take a cue from Cher, then here’s a bonus daily reminder that upper thigh slits are the next big thing.
But how could something so cute be racist?
Well, the simple thing is, cute things can be racist. Even Skinheads were chubby babies once.
Okay, then WHY is it racist?
For a few reasons, but the short version is:
1. A non-Native American wearing a war bonnet promotes stereotyping of another culture, like when Julianne Hough wears blackface or Macklemore wears Jewishnose.
2. War bonnets are sacred to Native Americans. So even though EDC is a religious experience for you, it is extremely disrespectful to wear a neon headdress while you dance in a bikini rolling balls on molly. In fact, as a woman you def shouldn’t be wearing a war bonnet. Traditionally, only male chiefs and warriors were/are allowed to wear them.
Only MALE chiefs and warriors?! Daraaaaaaaaa, why won’t you let me dismantle the patriarchyyyyy????
Nuh-uh! Don’t you- don’t you dare! We have bigger fish to fry, this is not our problem!
Listen, ladies, no one is trying to take your flower crowns from you! Those are all yours and we won’t even make fun of you for wearing them (as long as it’s your wedding). So just stop wearing war bonnets since it offends an entire culture of people–even though that culture is very small in size. Because our ancestors killed them and took their land. And forced them into widespread poverty. And then named a professional sports team after a racial slur against them….
Just stop being jerks and let them have this!!! You do not deserve to make this your own!!!
Okay, I think I get it now.
What a relief.
Oh, on a related note, can I dress up as Pocahontas for Halloween this year?
I costarred in a webseries called Drinking Problems created by Nate Larkin-Connolly for the wine company Second Glass. They’re funny and you will accidentally learn stuff!
If you like those check out the other fun videos they have on the Second Glass youtube channel.
Watch me talk about my OkCupid date with a guy named Scooter, (all while secretly doing some sort of Zooey Deschanel impression? So quirky!) Take it all in for your viewing pleasure, then like it, then read an old post I wrote about Tinder, below.
My Tinder Criteria
You people know about the dating app Tinder by now, right? Well, in case you just got out of a year long relationship yesterday and previously had no need to troll the internet for a butt you could bounce change off of or abs you could wash your delicates on, I’ll explain how it works.
It’s very simple- you sign in with Facebook, it shows a couple of your profile pics, and people can either “nope” you or “like” you. If you’re noped, it goes to the next person, if you’re liked and you like them back, it’s a match, and you can chat. Basically, you just judge people on whether you think they’re hot enough to potentially date. There’s also the option to see if you have mutual friends or Facebook interests and to write a small profile, but really it’s just about looks because the novelty of two people listing Friday Night Lights as their favorite show wears off quickly.
I don’t plan on messaging or meeting anyone because it all sounds to me like a death trap. A free app where you don’t even post your full name and people only pick you based on your looks just sounds like a place where really kinky serial killers go to find red heads with blue eyes so they can torture them (me) for a week then put your (my) severed fingers in a deep fryer. Regardless, reducing a human being’s worth to what they look like in 5 pictures and then choosing whether to “next” them or validate them as individuals turns out to be a strangely therapeutic way to pass the time!
I’ve already developed a quick system on how I nope people. My best advice is to have some hard and fast bottom lines on Tinder or any online dating site because you don’t have time to meet every stranger you come across. Have some personal deal breakers set up before you even get started so you can breeze through those profiles. Here are mine:
Guys wearing fedoras. I like to keep to that standard both online and in life.
Guys in front of a step-and-repeat (I’m only being shown LA guys).
Professional headshots (I’m only being shown LA guys).
Guys in tank tops.
Guys wearing tank tops in their professional headshots.
Anything featuring an instrument.
This guy just looks like a handful.
Guys taking their own picture in the mirror.
Pictures with kids in them (are they yours?!).
Except this guy. They look so adorable, and she’s probably his niece.
Nope, definitely this guy. He’s a monster and that little girl is a decoy.
And whatever is happening in this picture.
What’s kind of things do you see on Tinder that makes you nope a person? A man taking a picture with two young ladies eating a phallic object Lady and the Trap style? I hope so!