Rihanna, You Can Call Me Al

I know people complain about the choices Rihanna has made in the past because she is a role model to young girls, but in fairness to Ri-Ri, she is a young woman herself. Who will be her role model now that her role model is gone…. gone….? I mean, good lord, look at this:
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I will be your role model.
I will be your body guard.
I will be your long lost pal.

Doo doo doodoo, doooo doo doodoo

Seriously, this bums me out. Oprah, are you too busy mentoring Lindsay Lohan to monitor Rihanna’s clothing choices and incriminating Instagram pictures? Between this and writing a Twin Peaks Broadway musical adaption, it would appear that I have to do everything myself.

So, hypothetically, would any of you fund a Kickstarter to raise money for my celebrity home for wayward girls? Basically, between general education classes we would watch repeats of 30 Rock and before bed I’d read them excerpts from Hillary Clinton’s Living History until we all fell asleep with visions of Eleanor Roosevelt dancing in our heads. My dad and a salt and pepper haired Steve Carrell would serve as the girls’ mentors and stable father figures (ps. does anyone have Steve’s contact info?).

Look, the home hasn’t even opened yet and my father is already giving Rihanna the validation and support she needs! (I swear this text is real and unsolicited).

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