Daily Reminder: White Women and War Bonnets

Hey, Kitten Mittens. I’d like to introduce you to a new series on this blog- Daily Reminder- where I take a moment out of my blessed day to remind you of the sins you might be committing (#NotAllMen!!!) against other various nouns that you share this earth with.

With that, today’s reminder is:

While they may look fly as hell, Native American war bonnets are not for you, fashion girls!

It’s not even for Cher!

If it’s not okay for Cher, it is most certainly out of the question for you. If you want to take a cue from Cher, then here’s a bonus daily reminder that upper thigh slits are the next big thing.

But how could something so cute be racist? 

Well, the simple thing is, cute things can be racist. Even Skinheads were chubby babies once.

Okay, then WHY is it racist?

For a few reasons, but the short version is:

1. A non-Native American wearing a war bonnet promotes stereotyping of another culture, like when Julianne Hough wears blackface or Macklemore wears Jewishnose.

2. War bonnets are sacred to Native Americans. So even though EDC is a religious experience for you, it is extremely disrespectful to wear a neon headdress while you dance in a bikini rolling balls on molly. In fact, as a woman you def shouldn’t be wearing a war bonnet. Traditionally, only male chiefs and warriors were/are allowed to wear them.

Only MALE chiefs and warriors?! Daraaaaaaaaa, why won’t you let me dismantle the patriarchyyyyy????

Nuh-uh! Don’t you- don’t you dare! We have bigger fish to fry, this is not our problem!

Listen, ladies, no one is trying to take your flower crowns from you! Those are all yours and we won’t even make fun of you for wearing them (as long as it’s your wedding). So just stop wearing war bonnets since it offends an entire culture of people–even though that culture is very small in size. Because our ancestors killed them and took their land. And forced them into widespread poverty. And then named a professional sports team after a racial slur against them….

Just stop being jerks and let them have this!!! You do not deserve to make this your own!!!

Okay, I think I get it now. 

What a relief.

Oh, on a related note, can I dress up as Pocahontas for Halloween this year?

No!!!!!

LET CHER LIVE!

Tuesday night, Cher performed live on The Voice to mixed reviews from my father. 
photo-2

Apparently, the song had something to do with this being a woman’s world, but clearly this is Cher’s universe and we can only be but grateful to be sleeping under the same moon and stars. The woman has paid her dues many times over, and if she wants to live out the twilight of her life looking Rufio from Hook, then we have no business stopping her. May God Bless and keep that rooster-headed drag queen.

ChervsRufio RU-FI-O! RU-FI-O! 

Daily Facebook Inspiration from Mom

For years I have successfully kept my mom off of Facebook, but a few months ago the day finally came when she arrived home from work with a profile already set up. I refused her friend request for a while –not because I have anything to hide– girl has already seen me a bottle of wine deep, crying while I watch Top Chef. I don’t do anything more interesting than that. I hesitated friending her because Mama loves herself a good forwarded email, so I knew my wall would end up littered with some hardcore inspirationz and affirmationz.

After a run-in with an unlimited mimosas brunch (Brunch! Brunch! Take a shot!) on Mother’s Day, my heart was bursting with mommy-love so I accepted her friend request. Since then, her positivity and clip art have been all over my wall:

Maybe other ladies’ kids…  

I think the best part about these is that anyone who happens to pay attention to her posts would start to get the impression that I am teetering on the brink of spending my afternoon swinging from a shower rod, but I assure you nothing can be that bad if your mother is still  posting Cher quotes on your Facebook.