Introducing Henry and Wilbur

I thought I would take this time to introduce you all to Wilbur and Henry (chocolate and caramel, respectively).

Henry and Wilbur are a chihuahua/dachshund mix, brothers, and about a year and a half old.

I hesitated writing this post because it might not be fair to make you look at pictures of my pets because in general, I do not care to see your pictures unless your animal is doing something funny and/or dressed up as another animal or food.

Can you see why Wilbur dressed up as a banana split is a little different from you showing me a picture of an 80 pound non-human mammal doing nothing exciting? I also feel this way about babies. Unless you are a close relative or friend, then I have no interest in your child unless it’s sleeping in a hollowed out watermelon Anne Geddes-style. I will do such a good job making you believe I care, but I assure you, smiling babies and golden retrievers do nothing for me. And don’t you dare show me a picture of your cat unless it’s holding a pencil and doing long-division.

Strangely enough, though, I’m interested in holding anyone’s baby and all small dogs on the street appeal to me. I even go so far as to make a concerted effort to avoid running over the neighborhood cat that always hangs out in our front yard. What I’m trying to say is that I’m a bleeding heart animal lover, so I must show you pictures of my fur babies. Sorry if you can’t grasp this thought process.

 

I Wish…

I wish I was the kind of person who….

.……..had monogrammed stationery. I feel like there’s no greater mark of an adult who has it together than sending out monogrammed thank you notes for a lovely job interview or lunch date.

………could say to someone, “Just promise you won’t fall in love with me.” If you say this to someone, you better be sure that you can back it up with them falling in love with you. This is like, a sleeper statement… the real impact occurs after a period of dormancy. When you first say something like that, I don’t think your victim has any other choice but to think you’re a lunatic. But then if they do fall in love with you, the payoff is just that much more theatrical. If the kind of person who says this is real and doesn’t live in a movie, my hat’s off to you. I just could not be so bold.

……….who liked cats. Though I have my preconceived judgements about cat people (don’t be mad, I know how much bloggers love cats), I still wish I, at the very least, wasn’t afraid of cats. When I move out of my ‘rents, it would be nice to have a pet, but I couldn’t have a dog because there would be no one to take her out all day. Since cats are so self sufficient (ie. if you died it could live off eating your dead body and peeing in the tub for months… [your dog would either find help or starve and then die nobly cuddled by your side on the kitchen floor]) they are the perfect pet for a single, busy person. I just don’t enjoy them. I think a big cat scratched the hell out of me when I was a toddler, so I’ve been scared ever since. Or, this memory of being attacked by a cat was something I dreamed as a child…. regardless, the trauma is still very real to me.

I think I could accomplish the first one. And you know what they sing, “now, don’t be sad, ’cause 1 out of 3 is perfectly adequate.”