The Sound of Music Live: A Wine Soaked Recap

You know, I wasn’t hotly anticipating NBC’s Live from LA it’s The Sound of Music! telecast. I just didn’t understand the why’s and the how’s of it all. I even missed the first half hour of it while I was busy catching up on my favorite gay fantasia, Coven. But by the time the episode finished, my glass of limited edition Three Buck Chuck Nouveau was not yet empty, so I decided to check it out. And, wow. Sometimes you don’t know what you want, so the Universe just gives you what you need. 

I think I really went through something while watching this, so I’ll show you my live-tweets, so you get an in-the-moment sense of what happened:

1617So, already I feel like I’m watching The Sound of Music, something I’ve seen a million times, with fresh eyes.

symbolismBut, right? Liesl’s in love and everything’s roses and gazebos at midnight, then one day he’s a Nazi! Like, two minutes ago he was singing about how he’s going to take care of her and now suddenly he is really comfortable with throwing her entire family on a train, and I can tell you, it is NOT going to Clarksville, okay?? Little Marta is going straight to a camp where you do not make lanyards and Rolph won’t even think twice about it because he’s already taken up with some Aryan tart! MEN!!!

Yikes, someone get this girl a Sleepytime tea!


Then at some point, this little sliver of Broadway perfection waltzed her way onto the screen and into my heart:


benantiThen Maria goes back to the Abbey (oh, sorry, are you wondering what my thoughts are on Underwood? I think her deadpan line read was oddly comforting and took me right back to every mediocre community theatre production of The Sound of Music that I saw throughout my childhood. Loved it).

abbey 1

Then Maria comes back from the abbey because Audra McDonald’s like, look, sex is natural, sex is good, not everybody does it, but you totally can. And then she says you can’t swear off men just because the guy you’re into is marrying someone way better than you. Which I’m guessing is what inspired all those Sex and the City episodes, but if you have half a brain you know that Big leaves Natasha and goes with the blonde woman by the end, anyway.

working girl tweet

Then things took a turn.

benantiiiApparently, I thought it was okay to start roping people I don’t even know into my feminist tirade:

gibbler But leave it to Ronan Farrow to ground us all back in reality.

ronanThen it was 10:30 and I had to go to bed because this thing is way too long. It takes her a half hour JUST TO GET TO THE CHILDREN. I didn’t need to know there was a problem like Maria, just totally unnecessary to the plot except that all those nuns allow for some extra parts for female actors, so I take it all back. 

But I’d say my biggest take away from this television EVENT was:

clarkson Right?

Throwback Thursday: Me in High School

I realized just now that I’ve never mentioned much about my time in high school on this blog. Since you’re probably having a tough time functioning in normal society without having even a cursory knowledge of my lower educational experience, I will regale you with some stories of my completely typical youth as a musical theatre nerd. I’d tell you about junior high when I was a chubby brunette who believed in fairies and briefly dabbled in Wicca, but that was a dark time we can revisit on another Throwback Thursday.

For now, we can start with the setting for most of my prominent high school memories, my community musical theatre group.

196747_1002761749449_2855_n{My brother and me posing in production photos for the show, A Year with Frog and Toad}

I wish I could say that I spent my weekends drinking in the woods with my field hockey team, but in reality, I didn’t spend any time with people I went to class with. Instead, for most of high school I was in one show or another and I’d spend Saturday nights watching movies like Basket Case in the basement of the girl who played The Baker’s Wife in Into the Woods. 

208318_1003443449473_9729_n {That’s me, wearing just a host of things that don’t match, with a basket on my head, reenacting a scene from the seminal classic horror film, Basket Case}

But, listen, we theatre kids had some boozy, all-American Pie style fun, too. I have some fond memories of planning cocktail parties with my best gal pal, Ian:

200772_1002779792906_1594_nThat’s a little greeting card I made with some vintage MS Paint software. And who is Muffy and Biff? Why, that’s the married, upper class, Connecticut WASP personas we created for ourselves that would throw these parties. Because who else would put out a spread of hors d’oeuvres and request that party guests wear festive cocktail attire? Certainly not high school students.

With all of this information, you might think I was too much of a loser to actually date in high school… and then you’d be WRONG. I had one boyfriend, and he played the Beast in Beauty and the BEAST, thankyouverymuch!!!

206777_1002780872933_3405_nHere’s a disposable camera picture of me when I was a sophomore during my boyfriend’s senior prom (ummm, yeah, my boyfriend was 18 AND played the title character in a New Hampshire children’s community theatre production… I can’t believe I wasn’t homecoming queen, either). I remember a few weeks before prom I had just bought my dress, and I was pretty angry with my boyfriend of maybe 5 or 6 months. He told me that saying “I love you” made him “physically ill” and asked if we could please go back to just casually dating? And I was all, “yeah, sure, that probably won’t contribute to any kind of crippling trust issues in my adult life!” But, I questioned whether I was really okay with this new arrangement. My dad told me that I could dump him if I wanted to, regardless of the $400 dress, but I stuck it out for a few more months. Then, a couple days after we went to the Oasis concert I bought us tickets to for his birthday, he dumped me over the phone.

With my best friend and her boyfriend (his best friend), we drove to the summer camp he worked at and I dropped off a bag full of his stuff including some Buddha beads he gave me for Valentine’s Day and his Beauty and the Beast cast tee-shirt. Then we stopped for lunch, and I held back tears in a Boston Market like the little soldier that I am.

After that, I vowed to never date another actor, until I dated another actor in college and, like, really vowed to never date another actor.

Flash forward to my own senior prom:  promThat’s me with my gay date. The proof that he is gay and not my boyfriend is that he has the same hair color as me and I would sooner put out a cigarette in my eye than date a fellow ginger.

I didn’t really want to go to my senior prom, but I knew my mom wanted me to, so I sucked it up. You can really tell that I didn’t care about going since I used the same dress I wore to my sophomore prom and because in that picture my skin color is at its resting tone. If I care about what I’m doing, you better believe I’m bathing in tubs of Jergens natural glow moisturizer until that main event.

Okay, what else, what else…. I own(ed) the Buffy the Vampire Slayer musical episode soundtrack, memorabilia script, and sheet music. I had some blunt bangs for a while. I’d go to Rocky Horror midnight showings, which is the symptom of the worst kind of theatre nerd. So, ya, that was high school for me. A lot of gay people and pancake stage make- up. I wish I had more pictures to show you, but it’s hard to locate them because Facebook wasn’t really a thing then. Which, by the way, thank GOD because I got into enough trouble with my DeadJournal. And then my subsequent LiveJournal. And then Myspace.

Smash: The Drinking Game

I love Smash. I think it’s terribly written, takes itself way too seriously, and includes every TV/Movie cliche imaginable, and yet, I love it still. I love it in the same way I love Degrassi: The Next Generation— it’s so over the top, but if you take it for what it is, you’ll grow to like it…but let me make it clear, I like Degrassi way more than Smash. Basically, any show without Katherine McPhee gets my vote for superior programming.

I did community musical theatre throughout my childhood and teenage years, and Smash is somehow both the most accurate and inaccurate portrayal of the Broadway world I’ve ever seen. Debra Messings’ shapeless sweaters, high buns and scarves? Accurate. A lady performs a technically proficient, but otherwise mediocre version of a pop song for an audition that elicits the producers to put down their falafel wraps, mouths agape because omigod-this-woman-is-so-refreshing? Never happened ever once. And definitely not to introducing Katherine McPhee.

Take this show with a grain of salt…. and a lime and a shot of tequila. It’s a mindless escape, that I’d like to make more mindless for you with… A DRINKING GAME!


Take a sip of your Smash Martini (it’s just a Manhattan… do you get it? I hope you get it. You get it.) every time:

  • Anyone mentions “the work.” (Theatre people love to talk about “the work.” As in, It’s all about the work. Just put your head down and do the work.) Take two sips if they use the word “important” to describe “the work.”
  • Tom’s assistant spies on someone.
  • Julia or her husband mention any form of the word “adopt.” (Which, by the way, is the worst, most non-sensical B-plot in TV. I can say this with conviction).
  • Angelica Houston has a cup o’booze, like the old theatre broad that she is. Three sips if she throws it in someone’s face.
  • Another character tries to convince the audience that despite Kat McPhee’s character Karen (but pronounced by nearly everyone as kAAAH-ren) having an emotionless face and no stage presence, she is going to be a STAR! Or she’s got that special something! What is it about that girl?!
  • Kaaaaahren looks like a bewildered and self-conscious doe in the woods (Karen is so INNOCENT and from IOWA so her reaction to everything must be humble confusion. [If you haven’t figured it out, Kaaahren will serve as this shows ‘Virgin,’ while Ivy Lynn and her scandalous name will be filling the role of ‘Whore.’])
  • Someone tries to explain What Marilyn Would Do and How Does She Compare to Marilyn? As in, “Ivy is too perfect at the role, and Marilyn didn’t try so hard!” or “You’re just like Marilyn’s first agent who always protected her!” and “Let’s watch Some Like it Hot while we get it on to see how Marilyn did it because you are so sexless and innocent, Kaaahren!”
  • They essentially plagiarize a scene from Black Swan when the director of the Marilyn show is a sexual predator towards any woman in his eye-line under the age of 35.

These same 5 things just happen over and over again in the script, so you should be pretty drunk by the end of this. Happy Drinking.