Best of 2012

tumblr_mfvr8bM1j81r4zlnbo1_500Welcome to 2013, readers! 2012 was a great year because I didn’t die and no one I knew died, and that’s about it.

I will not tell you that 2013 is the year of Dara* because one time a guy told me it was “the summer of Jeff,” and then I gagged on the Jack and Coke he bought me without asking, which, if we’re on this topic, is not the kind of drink you just assume someone likes. Do I look like I drink Jack and Coke? Did I go to business school? Am I quoting Anchorman? Okay, so I will take a Sauvignon Blanc if they have it. They don’t? Ugh, what kind of dump did you take me to? Fine, vodka soda.

*It is, though. And, the Year of Dara is a clear Happy Endings reference, making it cooler, and Jeff had never heard of Happy Endings so there is a very concise difference between us. Shout out to Jeff if he reads this.

Anyway, 2012. 12 posts from the year, posts that I found particularly fun when I read them back to myself while I was drunk on white wine (click on the picture):

boymeetsworld_5141. 7 Questions They Should Answer on “Boy Meets World” 012eb69823de11e287a122000a9f13ec_7

 2. Halloween Recap 3. 7 Reasons Why I’m Ill-Equipped to Have Children0518140a13aa11e2952122000a1fbf2e_7 4. 3 Reasons Why Being Single is (Probably) Better Than Dating a Serial Killerbikestealer2 5. The Compulsive Bike StealerScreen shot 2012-09-21 at 1.25.12 PM 6. 11 Girl Friends You Probably HaveMagicMike7. Don’t You Yolo Me sophia-grace-rosie-grammys-2012-red-carpet 8. The Future of the Adult Entertainment Industry929152328b0c11e19e4a12313813ffc0_79. Dara and the Big Sleepover meangirls10. 7 Bits of Advice for Young Girls
Screen shot 2012-06-15 at 2.37.34 PM

 11.  5 Things You Should Know About Being an Acting MajorSandra 12. Valentines for Single People

Happy New Year, and I promise I won’t tweet anything to the tune of “so jacked for 2013! #bigthings are happening! #blessed.”

7 Bits of Advice for Young Girls

1. You don’t need to dress up to go to the mall. You don’t need to be loud and draw attention to yourself at the mall. When you get older and see little mall rats in belly shirts it will make you question whether you ever want children. Seriously, I don’t think you guys understand how annoying you are at the mall.

{I know you think this is what you look like when you dress up to go to the mall, but Rachel McAdams was 26 or 27 right there…. you probably don’t look this good. Sorry.}

2. There’s no reason for you to take a picture of yourself or your friends in the bathroom. This includes on the toilet and in a mirror.

3. If you get into a good college and your dummy boyfriend doesn’t, don’t go to his crappy school because you want to be with him… Seriously, I’m gonna kill you if you do that.

{Don’t you remember? Topanga gets into Yale, but doesn’t go cuz Cory doesn’t want her to. Good one, ABC.}

4. This next bit of advice is c/o my mother, which can be applied to everyone, but particularly Young Girls: Don’t write anything down/take pictures of/record anything you wouldn’t want everyone to see. This includes nudie texts and facebook statuses.

5. That Bob Marley poster makes you look like an a-hole. Take it down. You’re a white girl from the suburbs (I’m assuming), and you have no idea what you’re talking about. We get it, you smoke weed sometimes when people offer it to you for free at parties. Relax.

6. Here’s some advice from my dad, which also applies to everyone, but particularly to Young Girls with punk-y/ugly boyfriends they keep around just so they have a boyfriend: don’t rely on a boyfriend or girlfriend to make you happy. You have to make yourself happy, (get a hobby or something, jeez) and then a significant other becomes a nice  compliment to your life. If you can do this, then you won’t feel the need to date every moron who comes around still wearing the sticker on his hat’s visor.

7. You don’t need to dress like a slutty ________ on Halloween. We’ve all done it, but from experience, you’ll stand out more if you make your own cool costume.

{My friend Michelle and me, Halloween circa 2009. We did not get much attention for our costumes: Under Dressed Circus Master and Under Dressed Mardi Gras Attendee}

{2011… we got a lot more compliments on these homemade costumes… and free drinks! Young Girls, you can still get free drinks whilst fully clothed}

There you have it, Young Girls. Advice you should take if you’d like to some day look back on your adolescence and not cringe. Should I get involved in Big Brothers/Big Sisters? I’m that good, right?