“Dara, I took a picture of your plate so you can blog about it.” – Mom
She has finally become the stage mother I’ve always wanted.
I have lived a very difficult life at the hands of my mother. Because of her, nearly every elementary school class birthday has been ruined for me. Since childhood, I have had an extremely refined palate for cakes due to her superior baking, which makes it impossible for me to enjoy grocery store baked goods or canned frostings, and I seemed to be the only 8 year old who knew that apple juice does not go with cake. Milk goes with cake, MILK! Who raised you, elementary school parents? Certainly not my mother.
On a weekly basis I had to politely eat the cupcakes and juice parents brought in for birthdays, wishing that like the other students, I was blissfully ignorant to the delicious cupcakes that existed in the world. Cupcakes that ruin you for all other cupcakes. The only solace I had was when my birthday rolled around and my mother could finally bring in her baked goods and MILK. We always killed it for my class birthday. In the fifth grade, I came up with the brilliant and totally unexpected plan to have a Hoodsie sundae bar. The best class birthdays always came from the chubby kids, and thanks to my size 16’s I was throwing milk-fused ragers.
I’ve always told my mother she should sell her cupcakes, and after winning the baking contest at the Fluff festival a few weeks ago, she finally decided to do it!
Introducing Sugarlyn Cakes!
So if you ever want to order some, let me know. For the drop-off, we can meet in a public, neutral location in case you’re using your cupcake order as an opportunity to murder me while enjoying delicious treats.
This past Friday was my parents’ 26th wedding, and I had the pleasure of spending it with them, driving them around, like I do for Valentine’s Day (though this occasion was decidedly less depressing than going out with my parents for the holiday because the waitress didn’t ask if “a forth will be joining us”).
My parents’ meet-cute and subsequent courting period was straight out of a Meg Ryan/Tom Hanks movie, or at least as far as I can tell from the bullet points edition I heard:
It was love, my friends.
So, here’s to the next 26 years, parentals. Thank you for heeding the warning that if either of you cheat, the offending party will not be invited to my future wedding. And to stay together for the kids even if the kids are 35. I know you’d be together anyway, but the threat still stands.
I’ve got a lot of time on my hands.
HOW MUCH TIME, DARA?!
I made this pink, ombre, Lisa Vanderpump homage for my mom’s birthday on February 5th. This thing took 5 hours for me to make from start to finish, but it’s worth it if you have little going on in your life and need something to feel good about.
I used this recipe (doubled. Great recipe, by the way). There’s nothing I can tell you about how to make the colors like they are, other than you need time and patience with food coloring, but you can try this for the assembly.
I’d post more, but I’m in the midst of part 2 of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills reunion, and I’m really wrapped up in this new Brandi/Lisa alliance… There is not time to blog!
Here’s some more pictures, though. Sorry to anyone who follows me on Instagram- I was blowing up your feed yesterday. (Follow me on Instagram @daralaine)
If you haven’t heard of Hungry Girl, it’s basically a website, cookbook series, and TV show that this lady Lisa Lillien started, where she takes good food and makes it less good (but less calories…you win some, you lose some). Some of her recipes are questionable. Like anything that should be fried, she coats in egg whites and crushed up Fiber One cereal and bakes. I’ve made her onion rings…they taste like onions rolled in Fiber One… and then 10 minutes after eating your intestines start screaming.
The dessert recipes are good, though- the low fat pumpkin pie filling tastes just like the real thing, and I just made some apple fritters that I thought were good.
For Apple Mixture:
3 cups peeled Fuji apple chunks
3 tablespoons Splenda (or 5 Stevia packets)
1 tablespoon cornstarch
1 teaspoon cinnamon (or apple pie spice)
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
For Fritter Base:
1 1/3 cups regular oats (not instant)
2/3 cup Bisquick Heart Smart baking mix
2/3 cup light vanilla soymilk (or skim with a teaspoon vanilla extract)
2 tablespoons brown sugar (not packed)
1 1/2 tablespoons light whipped butter or light buttery spread
1 teaspoon baking powder
Preheat oven to 400 degrees.
Place apple chunks in a medium microwave-safe bowl with 1/4 cup of water. Cover and microwave for 2 1/2 minutes. Once bowl is cool enough to handle, drain water and set aside.
In a medium pot, combine Splenda, cinnamon, vanilla and cornstarch with 1/2 cup cold water. Cook over medium heat, stirring occasionally. Cook and stir until thickened to a caramel sauce consistency. Remove from heat and stir in apple chunks. Set aside.
In a large mixing bowl, combine all ingredients for fritter base until mixed well. Fold in apple mixture.
Spray a 12-piece cupcake tin with non stick cooking spray, and spoon in batter evenly.
Bake 10-15 minutes, until a toothpick inserted in the center of the fritter comes out clean. Allow to cool slightly before eating.
Makes 12 servings
Per serving (1 fritter): 93 calories, 1.75g fat, 121mg sodium, 17.5g carbs, 1.5g fiber, 5.5g sugars, 2g protein