Deleted Scenes of Women in Disaster Films Written by Men

Happy Friday, Dream Lovers. Here is the newest video I wrote and co-star in.

In these deleted scenes of women in disaster films written by men, some probing questions will finally be answered, including “how does the modern woman facing imminent death in the zombie apocalypse find the time to keep her armpits looking so fresh and hairless?”

If you’re interested in my write about up about the video that was featured on Amy Poehler’s Smart Girl website, here’s the link.

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#AskHerMore Parody Starring Heather Morris

I swear that I always intend to write a blog post that isn’t just an advertisement for a youtube video I or someone else made, but today just isn’t that day.

I made this little ditty for Amy Poehler’s Smart Girls in time for the Oscar’s, and I’m just showing you now because I’m trying to accomplish something in this day and this is the only thing I can decide on doing. Great.

So have you heard of that #askhermore business? It’s basically just all about asking women on the red carpet more questions than just about their appearance and who they’re dating. If you want my very serious and earnest explanation of the video and the hashtag click the “Amy Poehler” hyperlink in the previous paragraph.

Listen, I don’t care if you ask someone about their dress and their appearance. I really like attractive people and I like them on my movie screens fo’ sho’. But, the reality is it would also be really simple to start asking women about stuff that has to do with their career or any kind of question that would actually require them to use the jello mold living upstairs in that pretty head of theirs. Also, I think as a country, all of our contempt towards the Kardashians has been woefully misplaced, and we should all ask ourselves why we have let Guiliana Rancid (HAS ANYONE MADE THAT CONNECTION YET??? COPYRIGHT! COPYRIGHT! I’M USING IT FOR MY ROLLER DERBY NAME!!!) walk this Earth foot loose and fancy free of ridicule until this week. Finally, finally, this week that woman had to apologize for the damage she is doing to women in this country. (E!) True (Hollywood) Story, one time I drank a bottle of wine by myself and cried while I watched Fashion Police because I was so sad that anyone would participate in a show that was only meant to ridicule women WHO ARE JUST TRYING TO LIVE THEIR LIVES!!!

Anyway, here’s my video, and down with the Patriarchy.

Wine and Whine, Ep 9: Sosie Bacon

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In this episode we whine with this year’s Miss Golden Globe, Sosie Bacon while we drink some Pinot Grigio she stole from her parents’ wine cellar. 

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Expect to hear:

Golden Globes stories!

Us breaking down whether or not we’ve dated sociopaths!

Kathryn working through her patchy history with dead dogs!

And then more talk of people with anti-social personality disorders!

Find us on iTunes and Stitcher! Rate/Subscribe!

Twitter: @wineandwhinepod

@KathrynG

@DaraLaine

and follow our guest @realsosiebacon but please do not hold that Twitter handle against her, it was an accident.

Instagram: @wineandwhinepodcast

and @SosieBacon

The Greatest Event in Television History

My mom and dad made a home movie I’d like to share with you.

A shot-by-shot recreation of the 80’s TV show Hart to Hart.

If you have a spare 18 minutes to watch this in the middle of a work day, you probably need a laugh, you sad, unemployed loser. I watched this in the minutes before my slave driver roommate woke up and ordered me back to my sewing machine. Yesterday she had me up all night sewing pillows until carpal tunnel set in, and today I’m Von Trapping some curtains for our living room. My tiny, nimble, toddler fingers can barely muster the strength to type this to you. If you are reading this, if anyone reads this(?), please send help. Also send food. I’ve only eaten almond butter and brown rice cakes all week. I’m in the mood for sushi.

Happy International Women’s Day….I GUESS

Hey, when’s International Men’s Day, huh? When do men get to parade around the street in celebration of their storied heritage? Just men, coming together, jingling tube socks full of quarters symbolizing the blood and tears that went into preserving the gender wage gap.

IT’S REVERSE SEXISM IS WHAT IT IS.

Speaking of sexists:

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Here are two more misogynists working to reverse all the lady-progress that Taylor Swift has fought so hard for.

{In Bed With Joan Episode 1: Sarah Silverman}

Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively Still Believe in Love!

God Bless these two crazy kids. They still believe in love.

It’s been a tough week for love. Amy Poehler and Will Arnett are splitting up. Love is DEAD.  I fear that the spirit of Amy and Will’s marriage drained from them and was reborn through Blake and Ryan, two people that are probably more insufferable, definitely more attractive, and surely less equipped to be married than Amy and Will.

The only divorce that could be more painful would be that of my own parents, but this has turned everything I know about love upside down. If Amy and Will can’t make it work, how will Blake and Ryan? How will Dara and An Unspecified Future Male???

The Amy and Will break up is so upsetting because when it comes to Blake and Ryan, I’m not betting on Love. Ryan has already proven that his judgement can’t be trusted after he married ScarJo and her husky man-voice. She looks like a very mean lady. Now Ryan has gone ahead and found another woman with a husky-man voice, who at the very least seems nicer, but it’s only a matter of time until they fall out of love and he moves on to, I don’t know, Julia Stiles and her husky man-voice.

With Amy and Will, I was not just betting on Love, I WAS ALL IN.

Was it the stress of the children that tore them apart? Was Will the problem (he was married once before, and it can’t be Amy because SHE IS FLAWLESS)? Was it the fame? We may never know until one of their relatives sells the details to TMZ.

Anyway, what can you do? It’s over for Amy and Will, but it’s only just begun for Ryan and Blake, and despite Love’s recent untimely death over the weekend, I’m still pulling for these kiddos.

Good God, I can’t even pretend like I care. Don’t bother me unless Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck are starting to look shakey.

Abel Poehler, Ginger Baby

In honor of Parks and Recreation returning from hiatus, I thought I’d introduce you to Abel Poehler–Will Arnett and Amy Poehler’s youngest son.

Heheheh look at Abel and that apple.

Are the people over at Conan O’Brien’s show going to write a sketch where it’s revealed that Conan is actually Abel’s father, or do I have to do everything myself?

Abel Poehler is so unexpected. It’s almost like Amy Poehler gave birth to some boring Aryan looking kid, but they traded him in for Abel because he looks like he would fit in better with a family of comedians.

I’m a huge fan of Abel Poehler, he’s so cute… but seriously, God bless Amy Poehler’s birth canal. This is the problem with teeny tiny women like Amy having children with big guys like Will. They end up with big male babies that mathematically should not be able to move through such a tiny lady-hallway. By lady-hallway, I mean the path between the uterus, va-joo-joo, and the outside world. AHHH! Nature is scary.

Shows I’d Like You to Watch, Please

Here are some shows I’d like for you to watch so they don’t get cancelled… because I’d like to continue watching them. I’ll just buy all of you Nielsen boxes. Just leave your address in the comments section.

New Girl, Tuesdays at 9 on Fox
I had some LOL’s watching the pilot- it’s quirky and fun. The only gripe I have is that conveniently, Zooey Deschanel’s character, Jess, is best friends with a model who’s friends are all models. Because God forbid we get through a whole show without featuring women with unattainable good looks. The classically beautiful looks that Zooey possesses aren’t really doing the trick. Nice face, not enough boob-age.

HAPPY ENDINGS Wednesdays at 8:30 on ABC
Happy Endings is really witty, with some fun plot lines (everything is just fun to me… I’m such a specific reviewer). Casey Wilson, formerly of Saturday Night Live, plays Penny and is straight up a national treasure. Sometimes I think the comedic timing of a few of the other characters is not quite there (I wish they only casted legit comedians and not hot actors- the dialogue is difficult to deliver, and the actors who play Dave, Brad, and Alex aren’t always on top of it). Overall, though, it’s definitely worth watching.
Parks and Recreation Thursdays at 8:30 on NBC
Don’t you even get me started on Parks and Rec. Show is flawless. As far as national treasures go, if Casey Wilson is, like, Mount Rushmore, then Amy Poehler is the Statue of Liberty. Entertainment Weekly did a whole cover story on the show saying it’s the best show on TV, which I agree with. I just want this show to go on forever and ever and ever. It has the humor of 30 Rock, but with much more heart and relatability. I know this isn’t a new find, but I just want to remind everyone to watch it. I’m watching it right now!! Byeee!

Emmy Recap

I actually enjoyed the Emmy’s this year. I think Jane Lynch has some great timing.

My favorite line of the night:

“A lot of people are curious why I’m a lesbian,” Lynch said. “Ladies and gentlemen, the cast of Entourage.”

Apparently Kevin Dillon (Johnny Drama) thinks:

“It was funny, but I think it’s not fair at the same time. We all have good senses of humor but I think the men of ‘Entourage’ treat women well for the most part.”

Well, Kevin, I will grant you that the characters on Entourage aren’t passing out any Chris Brown style abuse, but I think Jane was referring to just the inherent douchiness that the characters – yours especially- possesses. The fact that Kevin is so oblivious to how gross the men on that show are, and that he can’t even take the joke and move on, just makes it funnier.

Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Comedy

I’m happy Julie Bowen won for Modern Family because I consider her and her 12 year-old body to be the under dog of the category. Her costar Sofia Vergara gets all the attention for her role because of the talent that lies in her sweater. I think it’s a lot harder to play the boarder line shrew wife and maintain like-abilitity than play the hot wife with a cute accent. I hope Julie Bowen takes this time to congratulate herself with a sandwich.

Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Comedy

I think of him as another underdog of Modern Family. I thought maybe Eric Stonestreet who plays Cameron would win, but I think Ty Burrell as Phil Dunphy was a nice choice.

Outstanding Lead Actress in a Comedy Series

I’ve seen this clip about 30 times and it never gets old. Amy Poehler is just a national treasure- regardless of her wearing a dress from what appears to be the American Apparel evening collection. Melissa McCarthy of Mike and Molly and Bridesmaids won- girl looked like she was going to faint, which makes sense because I didn’t think she’d win either. I’ve never seen her show, but I’ve loved her since Gilmore Girls and it’s nice to see a woman who’s been in the game that long finally get some recognition.

Outstanding Variety Show

This is the 9th year in a row that The Daily Show has won. I’m a little embarrassed for them at this point. Just take yourself out of the running- it can’t feel that good to win by the ninth time. I’d bet the novelty starts to wear off around win 6.

Drama

Now, I don’t actually care about all the drama categories, but….

COACH TAYLOR!!!!!

Fashion

Just as a disclaimer, I have no qualifications to be talking about fashion. Right now, it’s 11 am and I’m in sweat pants, if that puts it into perspective for you.

Gwyneth Paltrow got mixed reviews for this- on one show she was best dressed, and on another she was worst. I’m going to say she’s medium dressed. Wasn’t the best, but I still liked it, and I hope this is the step in the direction to bring back the 90’s midriff. Not that I need a bare midriff to be back in style, but once that’s back then it’s only a matter of time before teddy bear back packs and floral dresses with combat boots are popular again, too.

Oh, Nina Dobrev, I’ve never seen your vampire show but you will always be my favorite teen mom from Degrassi. You look stunning. You’ve come a long way from the teen soap operas and snow capped mountains of Canada. Now you’re in a vampire soap opera in sunny California.

I loved this Zac Posen dress on Martha Plimpton from Raising Hope. It’s nice to see a comedy lady that can find someone to dress her to look like she’s not a comedy lady.

I’m tired.