The Sound of Music Live: A Wine Soaked Recap

You know, I wasn’t hotly anticipating NBC’s Live from LA it’s The Sound of Music! telecast. I just didn’t understand the why’s and the how’s of it all. I even missed the first half hour of it while I was busy catching up on my favorite gay fantasia, Coven. But by the time the episode finished, my glass of limited edition Three Buck Chuck Nouveau was not yet empty, so I decided to check it out. And, wow. Sometimes you don’t know what you want, so the Universe just gives you what you need. 

I think I really went through something while watching this, so I’ll show you my live-tweets, so you get an in-the-moment sense of what happened:

1617So, already I feel like I’m watching The Sound of Music, something I’ve seen a million times, with fresh eyes.

symbolismBut, right? Liesl’s in love and everything’s roses and gazebos at midnight, then one day he’s a Nazi! Like, two minutes ago he was singing about how he’s going to take care of her and now suddenly he is really comfortable with throwing her entire family on a train, and I can tell you, it is NOT going to Clarksville, okay?? Little Marta is going straight to a camp where you do not make lanyards and Rolph won’t even think twice about it because he’s already taken up with some Aryan tart! MEN!!!

Yikes, someone get this girl a Sleepytime tea!

Onward…

Then at some point, this little sliver of Broadway perfection waltzed her way onto the screen and into my heart:

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benantiThen Maria goes back to the Abbey (oh, sorry, are you wondering what my thoughts are on Underwood? I think her deadpan line read was oddly comforting and took me right back to every mediocre community theatre production of The Sound of Music that I saw throughout my childhood. Loved it).

abbey 1

Then Maria comes back from the abbey because Audra McDonald’s like, look, sex is natural, sex is good, not everybody does it, but you totally can. And then she says you can’t swear off men just because the guy you’re into is marrying someone way better than you. Which I’m guessing is what inspired all those Sex and the City episodes, but if you have half a brain you know that Big leaves Natasha and goes with the blonde woman by the end, anyway.

working girl tweet

Then things took a turn.

benantiiiApparently, I thought it was okay to start roping people I don’t even know into my feminist tirade:

gibbler But leave it to Ronan Farrow to ground us all back in reality.

ronanThen it was 10:30 and I had to go to bed because this thing is way too long. It takes her a half hour JUST TO GET TO THE CHILDREN. I didn’t need to know there was a problem like Maria, just totally unnecessary to the plot except that all those nuns allow for some extra parts for female actors, so I take it all back. 

But I’d say my biggest take away from this television EVENT was:

clarkson Right?

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The Star Spangled Banner is So Unfair!

Once and for all, I would like to formally speak out and stick up for all Americans–celebrities and local pageant titleholders, alike– who have had to sing ‘The National Anthem’ in public.

This song is unfairly difficult to sing, and obviously written by someone who has no forethought or common decency. When everyone first heard the melody for this song, I wish someone stepped forward and said “Hey John Stafford-Smith, this isn’t Divas, Live! Do you wanna hit the drawing board one more time and find a tune that someone besides Kelly Clarkson can sing? What? What’s a diva? Who’s Kelly Clarkson? Well, a diva is a female version of a hustler, and as for Kelly, just you wait and see.”

I remember freshmen year of high school, I auditioned for the select choir. And, look, I’m sorry, but as far as small town New Hampshire choir’s go, I deserved to be considered select. 1. I am ace at harmonizing, and 2. this isn’t the NYC Gay Men’s Chorus- there’s not that much competition at Merrimack High School. However, the audition requirement was that we sing ‘The National Anthem’, which in unfair in the same way it’s unfair when a few seasons back on American Idol, they used to make male and female finalists sing the exact same song in the final round. Songs are not one-size-fits-all and ‘The National Anthem’ doesn’t sound good with every voice. Just ask the tragic figure Justin Guarini, whose voice  was poorly showcased on the song ‘A Moment Like This.’ Justin had no chance of winning with that song! The odds were stacked against him!

Anyway, anyway. So, I sang ‘The National Anthem’ for my audition, and I knew I wasn’t going to get in to select choir, and sure, my ass was chapped over the inevitable bad news, but at least I knew this wasn’t my fault. I’m a pretty little songbird and the choir director was an asshole. Such is life. But then this little German exchange student was auditioning and she was allowed to sing ‘The German National Anthem’ because she “didn’t know” the American one. Meanwhile, ‘The German National Anthem’ is way easier to sing and, like, totally in my range. But of course I didn’t get to sing ‘The German National Anthem.’ And then that dumb exchange student got into select choir– after singing a flattering and easy song– and she was aryan and beautiful and everybody liked her because she was ‘new’ and it was just all so unfair.

My point is, I feel for singers when everybody is so quick to jump on them for messing up the lyrics. Those are hard, nonsensical lyrics, and if you were singing at the Super Bowl, you might get nervous and forget them too.

And The Fray, the poor, sorry, Fray.

Lay off The Fray, you guys!

Ya, this was weird. I see where they were going with this…but it was… weird… which I blame on the guitarist. Either way, they were trying to make things interesting, which I can appreciate, but it’s ‘The National Anthem’, so don’t even bother. People have SUCH a big stick up their butt about this song, and lord help you if you want to spice things up with a snare drum.

5 Favorite Things Friday

Here are 5 of my favorite things of the week, which includes two mentions of American Idol (I make up for my impeccable taste in TV with my embarrassing taste in music).

1. This picture:

I have never stolen anything in my life. Except for a cup from UNOs and a Goosebumps book from my neighborhood Book Mobile (it was like camper…or a bus… with a kid’s library inside). The cup was intentional, but the book was not. I had it in my hand while perusing the Babysitter’s Club book selection, and then walked out forgetting it was in my hand (I returned the book the next Tuesday). I actually had a big habit of holding things in my hand and then forgetting about it. I lost $20 on the way to a school field trip in the second grade because of my hand-to-brain disconnect, and then I had no money to buy a souvenir from Odiorne State Park, which was the only reason I even cared about field trips (souvenirs and french fries, if those were available).

2. Asians on American Idol:

HeeJun Han! My man! I loved him since the first week in Hollywood when he would point out how annoying the kid with the cowboy hat was (which, kids who insist on wearing cowboy hats everywhere always are) and then stared into the camera Jim Halpern style. I’ve always wondered why contestants never blankly stare into the camera when something weird happens because that’s all I would do if I were on that show.

Jessica Sanchez should be the American Idol. In my opinion, no one can touch her talent-wise. She’s also some ridiculous age like 16, and she makes me want to reassess all my life choices. I would love to see an Asian American Idol. She’s actually Spanish and Filipino, so she’s only kind of Asian, but still, I would be happy to see anyone win who doesn’t look anything like Carrie Underwood. Or Taylor Hicks (yikes).

3. This baby squirrel who fell out of a tree, was rescued, and now wears a cast:

This is one of my favorite things of the week for a variety of reasons. 1. I love miniature things 2. I love animals doing human-ish things like wearing a cast 3. This squirrel’s name is Violet, which is what I plan to name my future daughter if I ever stop being totally ambivalent towards children.

4. Haley Rienhart is streaming her first single ‘Free’ on her Facebook:

Haley Reinhart is hands down my favorite American Idol contestant of all time. I love her voice, and I love that she always looks like she’s not 100% sure of where she is at any given moment and that she belongs to a family of rock & roll hippies. I don’t know if I love her new single (it might take a couple listens) but I still youtube her singing ‘Rhiannon’, ‘What is and What Never Will Be’, and ‘Benny and The Jets’ weekly (I told you how bad my taste in music was). Basically, I think HeeJun, Haley, and I would be great friends if they just met me!!!

5. George Clooney got arrested:

How does the Sexiest Man Alive get sexier? Arrest him for protesting in Sudan. I just…. I can’t.

FREE CLOONEY!