10 Karaoke Songs and What They Say About You

Back in college, I used to emcee at a karaoke bar. Though I only worked there for a month, I experienced more in that month than most 20 year-old’s should experience in like, two months. During that time, I picked up some lessons along the way, including:

1. If at your job, the new, older security guard who looks like Channing Tatum asks you out upon meeting you, it really is too good to be true. It’s possible that he might smile and you’ll realize he has a missing tooth or maybe he’ll end up getting fired on his first day for calling your manager a bitch. Or both! Yes, surely both.

2. Just because one of your managers has a newborn and says he’s sickened by the men who harass you while you’re trying to work, doesn’t mean he won’t tell you that he thinks he never should have gotten married, and you’re the only one he’s told, and you’re so mature, and do you want to get a drink after work?

And lastly,

3. Everyone sings the same handful of songs.

So, using all of my professional expertise, here are the 10 Karaoke Songs Everyone Sings and What They Say About You:

Shoop by Salt-N-Peppa or Man, I Feel Like a Woman by Shania Twain:

2CD Shania TWAIN - up (zafoliowana)You have a delightful sense of humor and are something of a feminist, interested in uniting the women of the bar, if only for 3 minutes. While we all drunkenly shout through the chorus as one, we are singing for our oppressed sisters around the world who do not have the freedom to hold a GirlZ Night for themselves.

All These Things That I’ve Done by The Killers: You’re a boy in your mid-twenties who has been forced to go to karaoke night for your girlfriend’s best friend’s birthday party. I will hand it to you though, everyone gets hyped for the “I’ve got soul but I’m not a soldier” part.

Fool in the Rain by Led Zeppelin: You’re a man in your mid-forties who has been forced to go to karaoke night for your wife’s best friend’s birthday party. It’s a night out of the suburbs where every wife gets a Moscato and every husband gets a Jack and Coke!

I Will Always Love You by Whitney Houston: You have no self-awareness.

Take Me or Leave Me from “RENT”:

cd-rentYou are a former or current musical theatre kid who will go up and sing no less than 3 times in one night, use all the vibrato you can muster, and then sit in a booth in the back while you complain about how sad it is that any person singing who isn’t you thinks they’re doing really well.

Don’t Stop Believing by Journey or Santeria by Sublime: You have no creativity or imagination.

American Pie by Don McLean or Stairway to Heaven by Led Zeppelin:

led-zeppelin-stairway-to-heaven-albumYou have narcissistic personality disorder and have no regard for other people’s feelings or happiness. I always had the courage to save a room from a 10 minute Led Zeppelin hostage situation and pull the plug on the mic after a verse and a chorus, but not every karaoke emcee is as protective over their audience.

So, based on your favorite karaoke song, what kind of person are you? Honestly, I don’t care as long as you don’t sing Hallelujah. 

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13 thoughts on “10 Karaoke Songs and What They Say About You

  1. Hahahahahaha!! Bravo, Dara. I’ve been wanting to do a karaoke post for some time now but I’m lazy….busy. I meant busy.
    My cousin is a singer and I’ve been the one dragged to her birthday parties and stuck listening to her friends (former theater geeks, American Idol wannabes, sad-little-life-livers) perform and LORD, do these people take their karaoke seriously. In fact, they will yell at you and threaten to send you to Hell should you not show respect to their “art”.

  2. And…. “It had to be you”? I only sing karaoke when at technical conferences, so one is a “regular” at the place and we’re all prepared to laugh at me.

  3. The truest. I enjoy singing Jolene by Dolly Parton and Hold On by Wilson Phillips. The latter has sadly gained popularity from Bridesmaids but it’s still a good tune. Not sure what those say about me!

  4. I never sing, but my dad brought this Karaoke set, and he kinda forced me to sing, I ended up singing over 10 songs, and for a reason unknown to me, I enjoyed it:)
    Im 15, so I havent exactly heard all the oldies yet, however my parent make up for that:)

  5. The songs I can’t resist are always Bohemian Rhapsody and I Believe in a Thing Called Love, and I don’t really wanna know what that says about me haha

    Once I picked a Lily Allen song and was having a grand old time on stage. I forgot the song included the words “I spend ages giving head” and didn’t realize when I was singing it… my friends couldn’t let that one go all night.

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