Finally, finally, ladies and gaybies, someone has submitted an advice question for the blog.
Let’s change some lives, shall we?
What do women in their late 20s REALLY want in a man? Be brutally honest.
-Auspicious in Austin
Well, Auspicious in Austin (AA), I’d like to start by saying thank you for the kicky use of alliteration in your sign-off. We can all agree that it adds a certain whimsy to this whole experience.
Now, what do women in their late 20’s really want? Maybe I’m not fully equipped to answer this because I won’t be a woman in my late 20’s for another 2 and half months, but lucky for you, one of my great talents is speaking confidently about subjects I know nothing about.
So, this is kind of a broad question. Do you mean this in the context of what do women want so you can entice them and get their phone numbers? In this case of first impressions/surface attraction, it’s all very subjective, but I suppose my best advice is be attractive or funny. If you posess neither of those attributes, then I guess just be patient because if Yoran Van der Sloot can find a girlfriend, then that’s solid proof of there being a pot for every lid.
If your problem is that you can’t keep a woman after a date or two, then I can think of at least a few things that women are looking for:
- I get that you’re 33 and this might seem obvious, but do you have a bed frame or is your mattress on the floor? I thought this was basic, but I’m learning more and more that it isn’t. If this does describe your living situation, then just hit up Ikea and make the investment and I promise you’ll have a girlfriend by next week. I just had to double check.
- Are you still asking women to “hang out”? Have you ever heard Don Draper ask a woman to hang out? Absolutely not. You are a man now, ask a woman if you can take her out for a drink or something. And call her the first time, you idiot. These things aren’t deal breakers to women, but if you do take this advice I promise she will notice so much as to tell her friends about it.
- What’s your teeth situation? One time, this guy who looked like Channing Tatum asked me out, but he had a missing tooth, and that was a deal breaker. He was also a janitor. No offense to janitors. Anyway, make sure you have nice teeth. Don’t be coy with a Crest White Strip.
- Do what you say you’re going to do. I promise that a woman will be way more impressed if you call her to make plans when you say you will. Also, don’t wait a really long time to call and make plans between dates. Wait, you’re 33, you must have seen either a movie or TV show featuring two women talking to each other. This is, like, the only thing they discuss, so you should know we want this by now.
- Be transparent and upfront. Just say what you’re looking for- whether you want a relationship, whether you like her, etc. The worst part about dating is not knowing what the other person is about. I mean, a woman and her roommate can analyze a text message down to whether you used one “k” or two (“kk”) in a text (they mean completely different things in the context of dating!!!) so just don’t make her guess because I’ve probably created a really long narrative about what you’re doing and thinking from that alone. She’s. She’s probably created a really long narrative.
- Speaking from experience, when on a date don’t brag about doing illicit drugs with a (blind item) recently deceased addict known for singing and dancing on a Fox television show. Listening to your stories about doing “mountains of coke” in Vegas is, decidely, not what women want. Does this not apply to everyone?
- Be nice? I guess that’s what people want, but I think women fall under the “human” category.
So, this was helpful to no one. Bummer for you, AA. Good luck!
If you want some advice, head over to the “Submit a Question” page at the top of the blog and I can be of no use to you as well!