How to Not Hate Everything

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Sorry for this whimsical tumblr-eque picture. I promise I won’t start streaking my hair with pastel chalk and transcribing scenes from The Virgin Suicides for my zine. This little kit-cat just illustrates my constant inner monologue so effectively.

You see, today, I decided to wear my Zooey Deschanel-y dress and a little extra make-up than usual in an experiment to test the theory that if I look cheerful and put together on the outside, then I will feel less like a potential arsonist on the inside, thus setting myself up for a wonderful day as a working woman. Instead, I got lost on my way to a job I’ve been driving to for the last two weeks. All I know is that I was giggling along to my favorite podcast Throwing Shade until suddenly I looked around and realized I didn’t recognize my surroundings anymore. I should have been 15 minutes early, and instead walked in exactly on time at 8:30. Despite the stressful commute, the day is turning out to be fine (yes, I’m still at work, but don’t worry, I’m writing this while I make like Ross Gellar-I am on a break. [did that work? No? What about if I said, “that sweater is a little Jason Biggs on you?” I guess that’s not so much a joke as it is just bastardizing the name of an American treasure…Sorry, it is unfair to be testing out material on you, readers. Moving on]).

Okay, back to work.

Stay in school, kids because you won’t know how to collate and staple performance inspection forms effectively without a $100,000 private university education.

Sent from my iPhone

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7 thoughts on “How to Not Hate Everything

  1. Delighted to hear you are using that $100K private university education for stapling! And congratulations on posting with your phone. I can’t even manage to turn my phone in the morning sometimes.

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