Happy Valentine’s Day

“I was going to give you this when I got home from work, but I decided you might have already hanged yourself by then.” -Dad
Happy Valentine's Day

(An Alex and Ani bracelet my dad gave me today. Yes, that’s an adult, human wrist and not the bare bone of a 3 year old!)

Don’t you worry, kittens, I’m not actually bitter over Valentine’s Day. My dad is my Valentine every year, so I have no reason to complain. I’m even wearing red today and started thinking about my future wedding. I decided that my future fiance and I will include in our vows that if things get too difficult, we promise to get a divorce instead of poisoning the other slowly with their morning coffee and 20 drops of Visine. Based on what I’ve seen in episodes ofย 48 Hours: Mystery, this might be a conversation more couples should be having. Like, look, if you have someone on the side, please just divorce me, I won’t be that mad, and you don’t have to pay me alimony. Just don’t suggest we go on a cruise to save our marriage, then drug me with a handful of Lunesta and throw me off the back of the ship. And I will promise you the same. Forever and ever, Amen.

But, if you’re just looking to kill me for the insurance money, I guess I don’t have much of a say in that.

Happy Valentine’s Daaaay!

P.S. Here are some posts from last years V-Day:

Valentines for Single People

5 Ways to Spend Valentine’s Day

And an essay my friend wrote for Hello Giggles about her experience onย Millionaire Matchmaker.

 

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21 thoughts on “Happy Valentine’s Day

  1. Funny outlook. I think after you get your gig on 2nd City TV and then SNL you will be worth more money alive then dead. So you’re open to affairs on the side? And won’t get mad? You’re a keeper! ๐Ÿ™‚ Happy V-Day BFEM!

    • I certainly had no idea…i just googled “what to use to slowly poison someone” just to have a specific reference for the post and that came up. Except now if someone I know shows up poisoned they’re probably going to look at my search history and think I did it- Casey Anthony style.

      • Ahaha! True story. You’re definitely going to have to get craftier! Use their computer and it’ll look like suicide! ๐Ÿ˜‰

  2. Pingback: 5 Things You’re Doing on the Internet That Might Get You Killed | brunch for every meal

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