It’s basically my policy that I don’t start anything new until Monday. The New Year unfortunately fell on a Tuesday, and I actually don’t start any sort of New Year’s resolution until January 2nd because why would you try to lose weight and be a better person on what is technically considered a holiday?
I decided to begin my resolutions the Monday after New Year’s Day. The same two resolutions I have every year, which is: stop eating like a trash compactor and stop procrastinating. It’s so hard to do either of those things because they’re in my blood like diabeetus. Luckily, two of my favorite hobbies are starvation juice cleanses and personal development, so I give it a good try for a couple weeks a few times a year, which is enough for me.
I was ready to go this past Monday, but then I got a sore throat (!!!). I’ve also been on crutches for the last 5 weeks, so I just took this as an excuse to go into a surprisingly satisfying wallowing depression that includes involuntary heavy sighs and sleeping 14 hours a day.
The other 9 hours and 45 minutes are spent in a reclining chair in my living room, and the remaining 15 minutes are spent in the bathroom or in transit to the bathroom. It’s so hard to think of things to blog about when you have minimal human interaction, but the plus side is that I’m now starting to believe I know the celebrities I follow on Twitter personally. It’s like my recliner is my island and celebrities are my Wilson and I am Tom Hanks because I’m extremely like-able and my personal hygiene has completely deteriorated. Just kidding, some say I’m not that like-able.
Okay, that was enough productivity for one day, back to my bell jar, bye.