First, I’d like to apologize that this has turned into a full on Halloween blog. It is my favorite holiday, and to be honest, I get a ton of hits on all my Halloween related posts via search engines, so I’ll just milk this Pumpkin dry. Pumpkin being the name of my cow.
Secondly, a happy and safe Halloween weekend to all! I know that most people will be going out today or tomorrow, so to all of you I say: have a lovely time. Women, if you plan to dress like a sexy Hamburgler or a sexy traffic light, it is your body and I hope you display it proudly with the confidence and strength of 1,000 Xena: Warrior Princesses. If you are under 17 and wearing something sexy, your parents should really be monitoring you more closely, but I wish the same for you with the added advice to go easy on the orange jello shots. Actually, that advice is applicable to everyone.
If you choose to be something scary or witty or topical, good for you. May the bodies of the women dressed up as sexy Twister games never outshine your intellect and sense of whimsy.
To the men who wear “Hello My Name Is….” stickers, that is not a costume. Also, if you’ve got it, consider wearing a shirtless firefighter’s costume. I think you owe it to the women and gay men of America. We have done so much for you, and we have the body glitter and costume coordinated over the knee stockings to prove it. If you don’t got it, your Batman costume is fine, and I’m sure you have a great personality.