- A dead tooth. A missing tooth might not be a deal breaker if it’s far enough back.
- A missing tooth. Who am I kidding?
- Wears a fedora. Even if you just wore one once in a Facebook picture, I can never unsee that. I just think a fedora is a symptom of a much bigger problem, like a lack of self awareness and good judgement. (Sidebar: a woman in a straw fedora is not only acceptable, but encouraged).
- Wears a pork pie hat.
- Wears any hat for fashion and not function. Baseball hats and winter hats are functional. News boy hats do nothing for no one.
- Addendum to the above statement: Visors are not technically hats and, yet, despite their function, are a deal breaker.
- Invites you to a teen community theatre production for a first date or any date thereafter.
- Compulsively steals bikes (have I got a story for you guys! I’ll tell you about it this week).
- Posts his own poetry on his Facebook. Reading people’s poetry makes me very uncomfortable.
- Doesn’t watch TV. What am I supposed to do with you? How can this work?
- Refuses to dress up for Halloween. If I can’t even get you in a funny or whimsical tee-shirt on my favorite Holy Day, then we are too different and this can never work. If it’s between you and Dead Tooth Guy, if DTG will dress up as Buddy Holly to my Mary Tyler Moore, then you know what my decision is…
It should be noted that these are just my deal breakers and are probably not universal deal breakers, though they should be. It should also be noted that I do not have a boyfriend.