Stars, They’re Just Like Us! Stupid!

How did you let this happen, Katy Perry?

It is so troubling to me that a woman who looks like Zooey Deschanel but with bigger boobs and millions of dollars isn’t immune to the charms of a troll like John Mayer (and also that she wears flats and carries her heels until reaching her destination like a COMMONER with mortal feet). I find John Mayer repulsive, and the original mascot of crazy, dramatic male artists (or as I like to call them “handfuls”) that are emotional murderers of woman. And now, surprise, surprise… he has broken the Alabaster ¬†Princess’s heart.

I can’t even feel bad for her– we all told you, Katy Perry! We warned you that he was bad news and we didn’t do it ‘cuz we’re jealous!

Katy, did you think that Jennifer Aniston was making all this stuff up? I get that maybe you weren’t sold on Taylor Swift’s opinion or God forbid, anything coming out of Jennifer Love Hewitt’s candy lips and bubble gum tongue, but it’s Rachel Green we’re talking about here!

All of America was telling you this dude was bad news, and you wouldn’t listen. We were just trying to protect you, one gal to another. Next time I hope you heed our advice. Maybe consider dating a nice lawyer or something. Or just a guy with short hair. I think that might help a lot.

Now let’s kiss and forget about this whole thing.

Oh, you’re not into that anymore? Totally, sure, nevermind!

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