Big Brother is Watching…

It’s my firm belief that the internet will start killing people one day. I’m fuzzy on the logistics, but I think it will have something to do with the internet knowing exactly what we like and what’s important to us, and then they’ll will use that to lure us away and kill us or make us slaves.

Like this: Ticketmaster knows my weaknesses!

All they (‘they’ is the internet, if you’re actually following this) have to do is lure me to a Third Eye Blind concert and then kidnap me. If you’re wondering about the other two, well… Chris Hardwick was on Singled Out in the 90’s, and though I had many normal crushes like Devon Sawa and Leonardo DiCaprio, I had some really weird ones like the host of Singled Out, Tom Sellack….and I always had a weird thing for Steve Buscemi.

As for the ‘Sexy Liberal Comedy Tour,’ I don’t think I’d go to a show that would use a font like that (or a name like that), but I see where Ticketmaster was going with it.

Ticketmaster get’s me for the most part, but I’m not sure Klout has a great grasp. This is what they think I’m influential about:

Ashton Kutcher? Parenting? I mean, I can definitely tell you how I think you should raise your children, but I promise you I’m not influential about it. If Klout tried to kill me by sending me a copy of ‘What to Expect When You’re Expecting’ (inside the book would be a bomb, not actually pages, obviously) they would be waiting a very long time before I cracked the thing open (obviously, the book wouldn’t detonate until I opened it)….. This post was a real reach, wasn’t it? Eh.


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