5 Ways to Trick Women into Thinking You’re a Grown-Up

If there’s one thing you should know about me before you make the decision to be my friend, is that I love to give a lot of unsolicited advice about everything, all of the times. One subject I like to drive my friends away with is how they should start dating men, not boys.

I think the difference between dating a boy and dating a man is obviously a level of maturity, respect, and an appreciation for a little old fashioned courtship. A male’s age does not equal maturity, but there are some red flags to help you figure out if you’ve just met a boy or a man.

Ladies, you can use this list to see if you’ve found a keeper, and boys, you can use this list to trick women into thinking you’re a keeper for at least a couple weeks.

5 Ways to Trick Women into Thinking You’re a Grown-Up:

1. When you get someone’s number, call the first time, don’t text. 

A guy who texts a girl he just met with a “heyy you” should just say what he really means: “heyy (I want to do) you.” Unacceptable. This is not an adult. This is a little boy afraid of talking on the phone, without even the courtesy to give a booty call. It’s called manners!

2. Don’t ask a woman if she wants to ‘hang out.’

Ask her if she would like to get a drink, get dinner, but in the beginning, don’t you dare ask her to ‘hang out.’  Are you two going to play Mario Kart and eat Cheetos? Then when you’re done are you  going to get your orange finger prints all over her in your parents’ basement? No sir. I understand if you have been dating for a few weeks and ‘hanging out’ means spending the day together antiquing and brunching and Breaking Bad marathoning on a Sunday afternoon, but asking someone out on a first date by asking to ‘hang out’ is so lazy.

3. If you asked the woman out, you pick the place. 

These are what debutantes looks like.

Let me first preface this by saying that I don’t mean the man should pick the place and then order your food because you’re too exhausted from last night’s debutante ball to worry yourself about such decisions. I’m saying that in the beginning dates, whoever initiated the date should just take that extra step of picking a place to eat. It’s considerate, like you’re excited about the date and you put a little extra thought into it.

4. Don’t ask a woman to ‘hang out’ the day of.

If a guy had Third Eye Blind tickets he could ask me out an hour before.

Unless under special circumstances (someone just offered you free concert tickets for that night because they couldn’t go, etc.) I think it shows kind of a lack of respect to ask someone you just met to ‘hang out’ with only a few hours notice. For one, there’s the assumption that she must have nothing better to do, and generally, no, personally, I do not have anything better to do, but that’s not the point. I know that sounds like general game playing and manipulation, but really I just think it’s polite. Some people will probably still go out with you even if you ask them the day of, but I’m just saying it’s a sign of maturity to give someone a few days notice to go on a proper date (which nobody does anymore).

5. Wear something other than a graphic tee-shirt.

You don’t have to get a makeover, but it would be great if just for a first impression, you showed a little effort with a nice soft tee-shirt or a sweater you maybe borrowed from Nate Berkus. I’m just saying, maybe a screen tee that you got for free from John Adams High Senior Class Government of ’02 is not the shirt you should wear on a first date.

I don’t think this is a lot to ask. You have no idea how much it costs to get a full head of highlights. You can do this for us.

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