Smash: The Drinking Game

I love Smash. I think it’s terribly written, takes itself way too seriously, and includes every TV/Movie cliche imaginable, and yet, I love it still. I love it in the same way I love Degrassi: The Next Generation— it’s so over the top, but if you take it for what it is, you’ll grow to like it…but let me make it clear, I like Degrassi way more than Smash. Basically, any show without Katherine McPhee gets my vote for superior programming.

I did community musical theatre throughout my childhood and teenage years, and Smash is somehow both the most accurate and inaccurate portrayal of the Broadway world I’ve ever seen. Debra Messings’ shapeless sweaters, high buns and scarves? Accurate. A lady performs a technically proficient, but otherwise mediocre version of a pop song for an audition that elicits the producers to put down their falafel wraps, mouths agape because omigod-this-woman-is-so-refreshing? Never happened ever once. And definitely not to introducing Katherine McPhee.

Take this show with a grain of salt…. and a lime and a shot of tequila. It’s a mindless escape, that I’d like to make more mindless for you with… A DRINKING GAME!


Take a sip of your Smash Martini (it’s just a Manhattan… do you get it? I hope you get it. You get it.) every time:

  • Anyone mentions “the work.” (Theatre people love to talk about “the work.” As in, It’s all about the work. Just put your head down and do the work.) Take two sips if they use the word “important” to describe “the work.”
  • Tom’s assistant spies on someone.
  • Julia or her husband mention any form of the word “adopt.” (Which, by the way, is the worst, most non-sensical B-plot in TV. I can say this with conviction).
  • Angelica Houston has a cup o’booze, like the old theatre broad that she is. Three sips if she throws it in someone’s face.
  • Another character tries to convince the audience that despite Kat McPhee’s character Karen (but pronounced by nearly everyone as kAAAH-ren) having an emotionless face and no stage presence, she is going to be a STAR! Or she’s got that special something! What is it about that girl?!
  • Kaaaaahren looks like a bewildered and self-conscious doe in the woods (Karen is so INNOCENT and from IOWA so her reaction to everything must be humble confusion. [If you haven’t figured it out, Kaaahren will serve as this shows ‘Virgin,’ while Ivy Lynn and her scandalous name will be filling the role of ‘Whore.’])
  • Someone tries to explain What Marilyn Would Do and How Does She Compare to Marilyn? As in, “Ivy is too perfect at the role, and Marilyn didn’t try so hard!” or “You’re just like Marilyn’s first agent who always protected her!” and “Let’s watch Some Like it Hot while we get it on to see how Marilyn did it because you are so sexless and innocent, Kaaahren!”
  • They essentially plagiarize a scene from Black Swan when the director of the Marilyn show is a sexual predator towards any woman in his eye-line under the age of 35.

These same 5 things just happen over and over again in the script, so you should be pretty drunk by the end of this. Happy Drinking.

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