Women’s Self-Empowerment Week

Apparently, from January 5th-11th is Women’s Self-Empowerment Week. I don’t know who decides these types of things- there must be some sort of secret, Commemorative Weeks and Months Society who anonymously decide which minorities or diseases get a short length of time to proudly exist and wear a ribbon (not to be confused with the secret society that decides which baked goods get a day in their honor).

You only have a couple days left of empowerment week, so quick, ladies! Leave your abusive husbands or sign-up for a night class before time runs out!

Women’s Self-Empowerment Week has virtually no media attention- I don’t think we’ve even been assigned a ribbon color, which truthfully, is fine (there are too many ribbons! I see someone wearing a purple ribbon; are they for epilepsy awareness or against anti-gay bullying? How do we open the doors for a national conversation on ______ if I’m so confused??).

No ribbons, that’s fine. My week of empowerment in nearly over. Fine. Because I already have the wheels turning for next year.

What we need is a mascot… someone in the public eye with a lot of pizzaz!

Ladies and Gentlewomen, may I present to you the new (unofficial) mascot for Women’s Self-Empowerment Week…….

Baby Drumroll


Toast with some cheap pink moscato!

Can you think of a better mascot than Miss Carter? For one, her mother, Beyonce, has an alter-ego. Only really empowered females have an alter-ego. Two, at the MTV awards, her father, Jay-Z, didn’t stand up after the Chris Brown performance. I’m going to assume that means he is not a proponent of domestic abuse, even when the abuser is bouncing around on wires like Peter Pan.

You just know this baby is going to be raised to be empowered by those parents- also, she’s going to have to be pretty empowered to get through life with a name like Blue Ivy. (Although, her babysitter is probably going to end up being Apple Martin-Paltrow, so she might never find out that there are people out there named Jane and Mary).

I think we’ll have a really successful week next year with out new mascot. I’ll make tee-shirts. Until then, happy Women’s Self-Empowerment Week- now go eat your feelings until next January 5th!

4 thoughts on “Women’s Self-Empowerment Week

    • I mean, it’s hard enough having a name like Dara, just because not many people have heard it before. Kids made fun of my name, but now that I’m older I only get questions about the origin or compliments that it’s unique, so I like my name now. I can’t imagine having a truly weird name like Apple and having to go through life with it- it must be waaay worse. Celebrity baby or not, I bet it’s hard to live with. Poor Apple.

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