What Are You Doing New Year’s Eve?

Please watch that video. If you don’t then literally none of what I’m about to say will make sense. Read on, and then suddenly it will be like I’m speaking German to you. Unless you speak German, then it will be Chinese. Unless you speak that too, in which case why are you reading my blog? You are way too smart for this.

That was surely a gross exaggeration, but the video’s cute and I would like for you to suffer with me.

Okay, now that you’ve watched it:

I both simultaneously love and hate this video. Love because it reminds me of this scene from The Jerk (one of my favorite movies):

I hate it because it is making me regress. It is doing to me what movies like Friends with No Strings Attached (you know that movie about four polyamorous friends, Ashton, Justin, Mila, and Natalie?) did to turn back all the progress made by He’s Just Not That Into You for America’s young women. Let me explain…

I think a lot of people put way too much pressure on having a good time on holidays, and they are almost always disappointed because either they end up with no plans or their plans don’t live up to what they wanted because they were so stressed out about having fun. I used to be like that, but I lowered the bar on fun, and now I can enjoy the holiday peacefully. Instead of hoping for some crazy party to go to and buying a new sparkly dress, make your new criteria for a successful evening include things like “eating your weight in Bugles” or “not dying.” How easy is that? If you’re staying in all night that pretty much eliminates your chances of getting hit by a drunk driver, so now you’re just dealing with the possibility of freak accidents and home invaders. A lot easier to live up to.

So, I’m good with watching Kathy Griffin stand up special marathons with my parents on New Year’s per usual, but now that I watch this, it’s making me want to go out in a sparkly, yet tasteful dress and be some manic pixie dream girl to some unsuspecting guy going through a quarterlife crisis.

….Now that I type that out loud, I think I’m kind of over it already. I would be the worst manic pixie dream girl. I’d be like, “ugggh can we spontaneously drive through the night to the Grand Canyon next week? I’m just so comfs under this blanket and Real Housewives is on, so…”

I think my weakness for ukulele duets is at the root of this problem.

I’ll enjoy my New Year’s on the couch, but don’t be surprised if I’m wearing some fine furs over my PJS this year. You can lower your life standards, but there’s no reason not to be fancy.


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