Have you ever noticed that people who don’t drink or watch TV love reminding you about it at every opportunity? Instead of just telling you that they aren’t familiar with the show you’re talking about, they have to rub it in and point out that they are too busy to watch TV, which (and if you are this person, let’s hope that what you lack in Kardashian knowledge you make up for in reading comprehension) is super pretentious, whether you mean it to be or not. Same with non-drinkers. If I offer you a drink it’s probably more than reasonable to decline and qualify it with an “I don’t drink,” but you don’t need to keep telling me about how hilarious or annoying it is to be the only sober person at a bar. Tell someone who doesn’t drink either, and just revel in each other’s clean livers. The rest of us want to act like a-holes at bars without your judgement (another thing: people who don’t drink are always saying that they aren’t judging drinkers. YES YOU ARE! YES YOU ARE!)
Now if you do drink and watch TV, how are you to exert your self-importance over the rest of us heathens? Well, finally I’ve found an option for you during this, the holiday season.
See? Bethenny doesn’t need a resolution because she’s always living her best life like she’s OPRAH or something (another thing she’s always doing is subtly pushing her yoga DVD). I guess I wouldn’t need a resolution, either, if I had 120 million dollars from some friggin’ low calorie mixed drink.
Now, I love Bethenny, and I love a lot of people who say all the time that they don’t drink or watch TV (Kathy Griffin, for example, mentions it in like, every chapter of her book, and every stand-up show she does), I’m just saying maybe your New Year’s resolution should be to COOL IT. Let me diet for a week in peace!