In Defense of Childhood Obesity*

I’m thinking about starting a letter writing campaign asking Michelle Obama to lay off America’s obese kids. I just feel like in an economy like this one you have to choose your battles and focus your efforts… and it’s just way more economical for me to buy children’s clothes than adult clothes because they are so much cheaper. So if you can follow my thought process, the bigger the kid, the bigger the clothing size, which means all the more likely it will fit me.

Am I horrible? Sure. I’ll grant you that. But before you start casting stones and stuff just take a walk through your local H&M’s children’s aisle. That stuff is adorable and half the price of everything in my section! Aside from the sleeves being a little short they fit just fine, and who doesn’t love a 3/4 length sleeve, anyway?

Just look at this stuff from Gap Kids:

Or for the young Ellen Degeneres in your life…

Honey I Shrunk Carrie Bradshaw!, amiright?

Where in the adult section do you see this kind of color saturation?

Look at these girls! These girls look like they would make fun of me in the mall. I want to be their friend.

This guy is tough but sweet. He plays the drums and wears head phones as a necklace. This 8 year-old is out of my league. This has nothing to do with clothes, and I’ve probably gone way too far. As Ice T would say MOOOOVIN’ (on).

Recently I went to H&M and got the cutest crushed velvet purple dress. $14.99. Then I got a sweater with a horse face on it. $10! Both so cute, and if anyone ever asks what size I am I can say size 14 YR, which sounds so chic and Kate Moss-y. For me, children’s clothes just fill the pastel and tutu void that adult clothing so sorely lacks. I want to wear an entire outfit comprised of different shades of pink, and I’d like to do so at an affordable price, thankyouverymuch!!!

Small tangent about tutus: It’s so unfair how popular tutus are for little kids now. I would have killed to have the opportunity to incorporate a tutu into my every day wardrobe when I was young, but I didn’t even know that was a legitimate option. Now kids like Sophia and Rosie can run around in their tutus and tiaras like every day is a dance recital, totally unaware of how good they have it.

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*Jk, Jk don’t get mad at me about saying I support childhood obesity!
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11 thoughts on “In Defense of Childhood Obesity*

  1. Ok ok, yes you were joking… but this does bring up a sore subject for me! I need to write a blog that complains about the fact that us older folks can’t wear some of the really cool stuff that is in style today (well yes, I could wear it but I don’t like being stared and snickered at anymore than I already am! lol).

    Because you see, what I really want is one of those Taylor Swift sort of outfits that has the skirt that is shorter in the front than in the back and is worn with a pair of cowboy boots. Nothing cool like that was ever in style when I was young enough to wear that! Waaaaaaaah.

    But what I really want to know is, why not? WHO DECIDES? Who decided that is was not ok for me to wear that and WHY DID THEY DO THAT? I hate them. I already do stretch the limits of what is probably age appropriate but I do know that somebody out there decided I was not allowed to wear a cute skirt with cowboy boots. šŸ˜¦

  2. I don’t like that boy’s intimidating stare. I may have to preemptively kick his ass,

    Then steal his tutu. He probably keeps one in his closet. He’s a *model*.

    Probably his mom gave it for his b-day. She’s crazy like that. Whatevs. It looks more appropriate on me.

  3. I was about to start getting defensive about the dangers of childhood obesity….good thing I read past the first few sentences!

    I’m always so jealous of the Ralph Lauren children. How do they dress so much better than I do? But maybe if I could fit in their clothes…

  4. This made me snort laugh!! Thanks for sharing. I am sitting here with one of my girlfriends and showed it to her right away, thanks for giving us a laugh! I too, am jealous about the tutu thing! So not fair!

  5. How ironic that I am reading this post because just today I was in H&M and didn’t even realize I was in the kid’s section as I had already scoped out 4 things that I absolutely had to try on.
    Hey, if the shoe fits why not? And yes you are right, the price is right! The leggings in the kid’s section were only $14 when in the adult section they were double the price, now if I could only get my butt in those that would be fantastic. Guess I’ll have to try and see if I succeed.

    I love the Carrie Bradshaw outfit and the Tough but sweet kid, who came up with that slogan hahahaha.

  6. I think I’d be most likely to wear that boy’s plaid shirt, but I’m scared I couldn’t pull it off as well as he can. Oh well, maybe I should just join a a nudist colony and save myself the trouble. And money.

  7. Pingback: Baby’s First College Football Game | brunch for every meal

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