The 12 Days of Courtney Stodden

If you’ve read my blog before, you might be aware of my obsession over saving a one Miss Courtney Stodden, child bride to Doug Hutchison.


Yup, there’s our girl!

I’m an avid follower of her twitter, and in my efforts to convert her into a one-woman army of self respect, I even tweeted her some sage advice. Not a few hours later did she tweet something that included such words as ‘slippery’ and ‘meow.’ So clearly I have been IGNORED!

Despite this obvious slap in the face, I can’t help but get into the Christmas spirit as I continue to follow her. Since the end of November she almost exclusively tweets about Christmas- she is a devout Christian, so I get that this is a big time of year for her. I thought it unfair to keep the holiday cheer from the rest of the world, so I decided to compile them all here for you.

The Twelve Tweets of Courtney Stodden’s Seductively Slippery Santa-stic Christmas:

1. Flirty spirit? Are you trying to tell us that you’re one of the 3 ghosts from A Christmas Carol? Which is it, Courtney? Are you 17 or a literary ghost? I’m starting to get suspicious.

 2. I don’t know anything about the Naughty List, but I will say that your artisan candy tasting will get Santa on the sex offenders registry. Find an age appropriate boyfriend!

3. Rds? Reds, maybe? Not sure. Happy to see that she’s trying to use the ever elusive semi-colon, though.

4. Courtney! If you call yourself a ho-ho-ho is just makes guys think it’s okay to call you that!

5.  This one isn’t so bad, right? She’ll be leaving him milk with his cookies. Just some good, ole’ fashion 2%.

6. I’m not really sure if anyone fully explained to this girl who Santa is. You don’t have the sleigh, Santa does! She’ll get it eventually.

Wait a second. I just understood what she meant by ‘slippery sleigh.’ Ew! Geez, Courtney! It’s Jesus’s birthday for Christsake!

 7. This sounds like the description of a limited edition scent from Yankee Candle.

 8. THIS IS GETTING OUT OF HAND!!!

9. Of all the people in her home town who are probably embarrassed by her, I’m sure at least her third grade teacher is proud. Courtney never forgot that lesson in alliteration. Teachers just touch lives, bottom line.

10. So the way I understand it, the yarmulke is to the Jews as the Christmas cat-suit is to the Christians?

11. I’m just too tired.

And #12…. Because lest we forget what Christmas is really about: The Baby Jesus.

Merry Christmas to All.

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20 thoughts on “The 12 Days of Courtney Stodden

  1. This is hilarious.
    I remembered watching the YouTube video of them together and thought “This is so wrong!”.
    Reading these posts by her make me repeat that over and over again. She’s 17 and I feel so wrong reading this.

  2. “Not a few hours later did she tweet something that included such words as ‘slippery’ and ‘meow.’” made me laugh SO hard. Poor, poor Courtney Stodden. Good luck on your quest to provide her with even a tiny morsel of self respect!

    I found your blog via 20SB, and I’m so happy to be adding you as one of my daily stops on the web. 🙂

  3. Oh dear GOD this is heinous! This girl obviously missed her calling as a harlequin romance novelist, but even middle-aged housewives wouldn’t be able to stand her obsessive use of alliteration. I hope her dad… I mean HUSBAND removes her from the public eye before she becomes all Lindsay Lohan.

    • Something tells me he loves the limelight just as much as her! And if you watch any videos of her she looks pretty drugged up, so I feel like she’s only a couple months away from catching up with LiLo.

      thanks for reading!

  4. Too funny!!! I too am disturbed by the words “moist” and “creamy”, especially when in the same sentence. Ew! I wish you the best of luck trying to reach Ms. Stodden, and her heeding your advice. 🙂

  5. I’m DYING. Courtney is such a hot mess (and grandpa-husband, Doug isn’t much better). I do have to say, at least the girl knows how to use a thesaurus. Maybe there’s a GED in her future??

    I’m glad I’m not the only one obsessed with Courtney and Doug. I’m trying to figure out how to make “don’t put it on me girl” my ringtone. then all the jaws be droppin.

  6. I put her on my list for a 2012 Celebrity Death pool because I am a Bad Person (emphasis mine…and a few other people’s, too). Not that I’m rooting for it, but her own mother compared her to Anna Nicole Smith. In a good way.

    P.S. Your blog made me giggle-snort.

  7. Pingback: Favorite Posts of 2011 | brunch for every meal

  8. Pingback: Twitter Tuesday: Strippuhhhhs! | brunch for every meal

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