After reading the title of this post, I bet you’re thinking “how is this lady going to weasle an entire post out of the subject ‘skinny peppermint mochas?'”
Well, reader, you’ve obviously never read any of my college essays. I once wrote a ten page paper for a literature class in which Sex and the City was one of my scholarly sources. I can finagle just about anything into an essay. Look, I’ve already wasted 73 words. Child’s play. 75.
Anyway, I’m just pumped about this new Skinny Peppermint Mocha business. I think for years one of the hardest things for me to grapple with is the fact that all of the Starbucks seasonal beverages are generally made with a thick, syrupy base (pumpkin spice, mocha, caramel brulee), and I like to enjoy my holiday cheer in 150 calories or less. I think most people (except for neurotic, skinny, city dwellers) don’t really have a grasp on how bad for you some of those Starbucks drinks are (do not get me started on the Chai… just because it sounds like tea doesn’t make it ok).
I, however, used to work at Starbucks, so I know a thing or two about how many calories are in every single thing in that place. I’m an encyclopedia of the nutritional values of stale, day old baked goods. My insight actually spans beyond just fat content, too. I have some thoughts on Starbucks etiquette as well.
How to be a Great Person at Starbucks (Though it Will Probably Go Unnoticed):
- Be cool about sending back your drinks. I mean, it’s part of their job description to re-do any drinks if you ask, (like, even if you screw up and say you wanted iced when you really wanted hot) but maybe think about how busy it is and what was made incorrectly. Say you didn’t want whipped cream and they put it on. If you send that back you are a major doucher and here’s why: the policy is they are supposed to remake the ENTIRE drink, so depending on the manager looking over their shoulder, they can’t just scoop it off the top. But guess what? You can easily do that (or chalk it up as destiny and enjoy your whipped cream. You didn’t ask for it so it doesn’t count calorically). HOWEVER, if they give you 2% instead of skim milk, you are permitted to throw the drink across the room and demand a free apple purse.
- This next one is tough because it would require you to be both extremely considerate and aware of your surroundings, so just do what you can: Watch where you sit!!! If you take a table in front of an outlet and you don’t have a computer, you should then be aware if someone with a computer walks in and now has no outlet to sit in front of. How else will that person nurse a $2 tazo tea for 3 hours while he works on his screenplay? Just get up and find a new seat (unless there are no other seats and then you get a pass).
- Be clean. You don’t have to be all Danny Tanner about it, but just know if you leave trash at your table all the baristas are going be talking about you after you leave, hard core. Also, when you go to the bathroom do your best to aim, and don’t get toilet paper on the floor. There is no reason for there to be toilet paper on the floor, and yet there always is.
- Tip. I don’t think you understand how much it sucks to make coffee for people for $8 an hour, and it’s harder work than you think. If they’re not making your drink, they’re wiping down the condiment bar for the third time this hour. Ya, Starbucks is a pretty good company to work for, but they want blood in exchange for dental insurance.
Or better yet, stop going to Starbucks and start supporting locally owned coffee shops, you monster drone!